Unsure

Is it too late to pull myself out of this tide?
And try to find a reason to stay alive
Because everything I hold onto is weighted in time
So giving up has had the same effect as trying

So I’ll take the last antidepressant that I have left
With a bottle of whatever washes away the past
In hopes that I can finally start to feel again
Or at least, be able to forget

And I know I should be grateful, because relatively I am blessed
But that doesn’t mean that I’m immune to drowning in this loneliness
And the more we spin around, the more hopeless I become
Feeling like I don’t mean anything to anyone

Because I spent my youth wishing I would die
But I know that when I’m older I’ll wish for more time
I’ve learned to live peacefully inside a clouded mind
But I’m not convinced I make things better by being alive

I know that when I’m older I’ll wish for more time
We’re sinking in currents, each revolution declines
I know that when I’m older, I’ll wish for a way
To bring back the nervousness, worry, and anxiety

I’d rather be unsure than to know