Uneasy Rider ’88

[Verse]
Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money and a whole lot of show
And with Hank Jr. blarin' on the radio
We got us a tank full of gas and we was on our way
We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barrelin' down old 17
When a man with a blinking red light was on our tail
He said you were doing sixty in a fourty-five
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again, I'm gonna slap you in the county jail
We said "Thank you, sir, you sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice"
And we were southbound and down with the wind blowin' in our faces
We kept on rolling, and pretty soon
The radio was cookin' out a Haggard tune
And we were pullin' into Houston and checkin' out all them places
I was feelin' dry and I said "I think we ought to stop and get ourselves a drink"
And old Jim said "Yeah, 'cause we got time to kill"
We kept on rollin' and I seen this spot
And we pulled into the parking lot
Of this place called the "Cloud Nine Bar and Grill"
We walked through the door, and the place was jammed
The lights were low, they had a punk rock band
And some orange haired fella singin' about suicide
I said "Jim, this ain't our kind of place"
He said "Well, let's just have one round anyway"
So against my better judgement we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This fella walked up and said "I'll buy this round"
And he sat down on the bar stool next to Jim
He looked like a girl, but he talked like a guy
He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes
And everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said "Jim, this ain't our kind of bar"
Let's just go on out and get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble
Ain't no sense in taking a chance
We was gettin' up, gettin' ready to leave
Somebody grabbed old Jim by the sleeve
Was this good looking girl, she was asking my buddy to dance
I said "Jim, don't do it, there's somethin' missin'"
There's fellas dancin' and fellas kissin'
There's a fella in high-heeled shoes wearin' panty hose
He said "Partner, I just can't turn this down
You just go over there and have one more round
I'll dance with the lady, and we'll get on down the road"
So he walked away and left me alone
And this funny looking fella kept comin' on
And he was makin' me mad with some of the things he said
And then he put his hand on my knee
I said "If you don't get your paw off me
I'm gonna locate your nose around on the side of your head"
He said "I love it when you get that fire in your eye"
I said "Well, partner, try this on for size"
And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must have been his friend
They all headed for me, I said "This is the end"
But where I come from we don't give up without a fight
They were screamin' and yellin' and scratchin' and clawin'
I was punchin' and hittin' and kickin' and pawin'
I was holdin' my own 'cause I've been in a scrap or two
Old Jim come runnin' up out of the blue
And that gal he was with come runnin' up too
And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe
I grabbed her by the hair, it come off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
Old Jim just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick, made his makeup run
And me and old Jim started fightin' our way to the door
Man, we lit out of there in that Chevrolet
And I put in on the floor and she stayed that way
We was goin' down the highway doing 'bout a hundred and ten
We was headed for home and we was gettin' nearer
Then a red light came on the rear-view mirror
And that same blame cop was pullin' us over again
Well, I'm sittin' here in this county jail
I had to call my daddy to go our bail
But I learned me a lesson that I never will forget again
I done give up drinking, I've give up bars
And runnin' around the country in souped up cars
I'm goin' back where the women are women and the men are men