Undertale the Musical

[CHORUS LEADER]
Sit down, child
Do not quail
With peace and love, we will prevail

If you climb
Along this trail
You will hear the Undertale

Hush now, little ones. I have a story for you. A story about men… and monsters.

[CHORUS]
Long ago, men and beasts,
Ruled the earth and lived in peace.
Then one day, came a war,
Blood was spilled as ne'er before

[HUMANS]
No monster will know love
No monster belongs in the world above
Seal them underground
Let this barrier surround them

[CHORUS LEADER]
The humans, filled with determination, won the war, and sealed the monsters deep beneath Mount Ebott, creating a barrier only a human soul could pass.

[CHORUS]
Many years, many tears,
We live on despite our fears,
There's no chance we could have won,
Now we'll never see the sun...

Stones instead of stars above,
We've lost hopes and dreams and love,
Angels cry, from on high,
Will they free us or will we die?

No new friends come around,
That's our life here underground.
While on high, sits our king,
Listen, you might hear him sing…

[ASGORE]
So much blood, so much pain,
Just to see the sun again...
One day soon, freedom shall ring,
So proclaims the mountain king...

[CHORUS]
Now the years have flown by,
A child climbs up high,
Will they return from the mountain,
Or will they surely die?

The tale of the underground
Tonight we sing
A tale of fallen children
And mountain kings

[CHORUS]
Sit down, children
Do not quail
Hopes and dreams will sure prevail
If you climb
Along this trail
You will hear the Undertale
[CHORUS]
Fall
en…
child…
and…
moun…
tain…
king…
[CHORUS]
Sit down, children
Do not quail
Hopes and dreams will sure prevail
If you climb
Along this trail
You will hear the Undertale

(The fallen human gets up on top of a bed of flowers, then walks down a nearby hallway where she is greeted by Flowey.)

[FLOWEY]
Hi! My name's Flowey!
I'm your new best friend
Welcome Underground!
Looks like you're new
Well, lucky for you, kid
I can show you around

Lots to do, so much to see
Spread the LOVE
Be friends with me

Friends are made with love!
Love's spread through pellets
Here I've got a few!
Catch them, why don't ya?
Catch all that you can!
Run into them
You fool

Feeling woozy?
Good! You're dumb!
You fell down
Now I'll have fun

Down here, there's one rule!
Kill or you'll BE KILLED
A lesson you'll soon learn

Levels Of Violence
That's my kind of love
Spread when I slash and burn

Take heart, kid
You've met your end
Falling to your true best friend

I will not bow down
I will not suffer
I will not ever cry

This is the end of
your very short path
Toodle-oo, kiddo
DIE!

(Flowey maniacally laughs as he surrounds the fallen human's soul with bullets and they slowly close in.)

(Suddenly, a fireball throws him off-screen.)

(Toriel appears.)

[TORIEL]
What a miserable creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth.…
Do not be afraid, my child.
It is I, Toriel, guardian of the ruins.

Oh dear child
You've fallen down
It's dark and there's no one around
To guide you through the dark
But please don't you worry
Your little head
I'll be here
To guide you along
Right here, by your side
Through the maze
And teach you the way

Just take my hand
Don't be afraid
It has been so long since a human has
Come by here
You remind me of love I'd once known

Listen well
My dear child
You're going to grow up

And learn all that
Life will teach you
Your mother is always so proud
And you will never leave me
Here you will stay
Never will you be afraid
Here with me,
You've fallen down, now get up

The underground isn't such
An awful place to live
Peacefully together
And who would need to see light of day?

Oh my child
Bathed in light
I know that you're scared, that you've
Fallen down
But Toriel
Will spare your life

Come, my child
Let's move on
And live in my world and just
Maybe you
Could teach me
How you stayed determined and strong

Take my hand, my dear child. And stay close, alright? The ruins are full of traps and puzzles, and you're not ready to face them yet. But don't worry! I'll be here if anything happens!

[CHORUS]
This is how the story begins
Will this fallen child make us friends
Or will they give in, kill us all?
Who knows when an angel will fall?

We want to fly
Out from the ruins where we lie
But someday soon
We'll see the sky

[NAPSTABLOOK]
I stay underground
Garbage all around
Cry and mope, oh wow
This is my life now

I spent all these years
Just me and my tears
My cousin is gone,
I'll lay on the lawn

Never seen the dawn
Pretty sure it's gone
Cry and mope, oh wow
This is my life now

Screw up everything
Barely can even sing
[CHORUS]
This is how the story begins
Will this fallen child make us friends
Or will they give in, kill us all?
Who knows when an angel will fall?

We want to fly
Out from the ruins where we lie
But someday soon
We'll see the sky

This is how the story begins
Will this fallen child make us friends
Or will they give in, kill us all?
Who knows when an angel will fall?

We want to fly
Out from the ruins where we lie
[NAPSTABLOOK AND CHORUS]
But someday soon
We'll see the sky
The morning sun
Will shine down from on high
And the stars… above…
Will shine down and show... their love…

LOVE...

(Napstablook is seen answering the phone.)

[NAPSTABLOOK]
Sorry, this is a bad time. Yeah, I can still make the mixtape! I just didn't want you to think I hate you. Do you hate me?... Sorry, I should hang up... Bye.

[TORIEL]
You're doing quite well, my child. I'd say that was a real, walk in the park! Now if you're going to stay down here with me, there are a few things you will have to learn. Luckily, I shall be more than happy to guide you. Teaching is sort of a hobby of mine, you see. Now, perhaps I should give you a... TU-TORIEL? You see, because... Because it's my name and uh... *Ahem*

My child, many monsters you meet in the underground may wish to harm you, Or block your way. But, if you merely talk to them, you will find there is no conflict you cannot escape.

Go ahead! Try it out on this ghost!

[NAPSTABLOOK]
Zzzzzzzz... zzzzzzzz....

[TORIEL]
You're not much of a talker are you?

[TORIEL]
That's alright, I'm sure you-
My child?
What are you-
No! Put down the stick!
Ghosts are not for hitting!
My child!

[NAPSTABLOOK]
Oh...
Ah, jeez
Am I in your way?
Uh- Hey, hey, I'm sorry!
Oh goodness...

Yeah…!
Guess I look funny,
I'm not real sunny, though
No, no no, nnnngh,
Just pluggin' along, listenin' to the radio

I'm fine, excuse me, I'm sorry,
Do what you got to do, don't mind me
I'm not a barrel of sunshine, even my tears are crying
Guess I'm in for a beating

Don't mind my frown,
I'd weigh you down,
I'd just waste your time,
Incorporeal,
Sorry, Toriel,
I can barely rhyme

Don't waste your life,
Your pain and strife,
On a guy like me,
Please stop it, slick,
Put down that stick,
Don't lower my HP.

You know, I'm only sitting here watching you try to hit me to be polite…. You can't kill a ghost…. We're kinda incorporeal.

Yeah!…
I'm real sorry
I don't feel starry, though
No, no no, nnnngh,
Makin' mixtapes, are they okay? I don't know

Long ago, I forgot how to laugh
I know how to say heh, that's just half of it,
Not sure if I'm even real,
I'm just not really feeling up to it

Hey!
I made a hat
How about that?
Oh, oh, oh,
I made it out of tears
That I shed during this spat

Just another day in my little life
Full of melancholy, gloom and strife,
I'm sick in the head, don't wanna leave my bed,
I didn't want this afterlife

Sometimes it's cool
I feel like such a fool
Feeling like I have been schooled

A lonely piece of trash
Man, I want to crash,
Be a weepin' ghoul

Yeah, my life is pain
Yeah, I'm quite insane,
Even with this hat

Yeah, am I sayin'
"Yeah" too much?
Sorry about that…

I just now realized I probably could have left at any point,… but then you'd be unhappy too…. So...… sorry.… W-what? Are you… hugging me? That's nice, but… I can't really hug back…, it would be weird. First of all, I don't have arms.

Wow!
Are we friends now?
Don't even know how
This happened
Guess I'll live with it, guess this is my life now

I can't believe we stopped the fight,
Is this your way of trying to make it right?
This is the longest anyone's listened to me,
And the record won't break after tonight

I'm full of cheer
And can't you hear
In the way I sing?

Well you should go,
Before I go
And ruin everything

Pretend you beat me down,
That would stop my frown,
Give me a little glee

Meanwhile, I am
Just going to jam
To this melody

I'm fine, excuse me, I'm sorry,
Do what you got to do, don't mind me
I'm not a barrel of sunshine, even my tears are crying
Thanks for stopping the beating

Just another day in my little life
Full of melancholy, gloom and strife,
I'm sick in the head, don't wanna leave my bed,
I didn't want this afterlife

Well…, this has been an experience…. I've wasted enough of your time.… Bye, I guess.…

Oooooooooh...

[TORIEL]
I suppose... that worked. Still, there was an important reason for this exercise! To test your independence. If ever I need to tend to business and you must be left alone, I would hate for you to not know how to carry yourself! I have an idea! I'll give you this cellphone!

(Toriel walks over to the human and hands them a cellphone.)

[TORIEL]
If you have a need for anything, and just in case we get seperated, just call! Not that you're going to leave, it's just... in case! Oh dear, this trip is taking longer than I thought it would. It was irresponsible of me to try and surprise you like this. Uh... Well, I suppose I cannot hide it any longer. Come my child, welcome home.

Come my child
Stay with me
I'll protect you and your dreams

Rest my child
Neath the tree
Like it's branches reach for me

So let me keep you safe and warm here in my arms
Think of the life that we could live, the joy that it could give
Even if we're worlds apart, stay in my heart
Someday when you've a choice to make, I hope you'll think of me

Think of me
Think of me

[ASRIEL]
Maybe we'll
Meet again
And you'll have made many friends
But if you
Find you've strayed
I'll forgive you anyway

[TORIEL]
So stay determined as you grow, love as you go
Think of the kindness that I've shared and cherish those who care
Even when we're worlds apart, stay in my heart
Someday you'll have a choice to make, I hope that you'll be good

Please be good
Please be good...

(Toriel tucks the human child in, kisses them goodnight, and leaves a slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie down on the floor before leaving the room. The child gets up almost immediately. They
thoughtfully look at the pie, then put it up on a shelf before heading out of their room and into the living room. Toriel is sitting on a rocking chair, reading a book.)

[TORIEL]
Up already, I see? Um, I want you to know how glad I am to have someone here. There are so many old books I want to share. I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot. I've also prepared a curriculum for your education. This might come as a surprise, but I have always wanted to be a teacher! ... Actually, perhaps that isn't very surprising. STILL. I am glad to have you living here! Oh, did you want something?
(The child points towards a set of stairs leading down)Toriel: G-go home?

[TORIEL]
What? This... this is your home now. Um... would you like to hear about this book I am reading? It is called 72 Uses for Snails.

(They tug on Toriel's robe)

[TORIEL]
Um... how about an exciting snail fact? Did you know that snails... make terrible shoelaces? Interesting.

(The child starts off towards the downstairs area by themselves. Toriel closes the book.)

[TORIEL]
I have to do something. Stay here.

(Toriel gets up, putting her reading glasses away, and heads downstairs. The child follows.)

[TORIEL
You wish to know how to return home, do you not? Ahead of us lies the end of the Ruins. A one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs.

(The child does not)

[TORIEL]
Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die. You naive child... If you leave the ruins... They... Asgore... will kill you. I am only protecting you, do you understand? ... Go to your room.

(The human child tries to stop Toriel)

[TORIEL]
Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning.

(They move between Toriel and the door.)

[TORIEL]
You want to leave so badly? Hmph... you are just like the others.

(The music starts up as Toriel moves the child away from the door.)

[TORIEL]
There's only one solution to this.
Prove yourself..
Prove to me you are strong enough to survive.

Oh my child,
Didn't you listen to me

Well, you could still turn back and we could go and finish that pie!

Why can't you just be happy?

I don't want you to leave this happy home
It's not safe for a child out there alone
Didn't you listen to me

If you go,
I just want you to know
You can't come back,
I know what's best, you'll be hurt, don't be a fool,
And please understand I'm doing this for you
Think what you're doing, I love you too

If you will not fight back,
The world will attack,
You will not survive,
You can't come back home, can't come back alive

If this is what you decide then know I did what I could,
Wondering if I did what I should
Oh my child, please be good

I know... I know you want to go home, but... but please... go upstairs now. I promise I will take care of you here. I know we do not have much, but... We can have a good life here. Why are you making this so difficult? Please, go upstairs! ... No, I understand. If you truly wish to leave... I will not stop you. However, when you leave... please, do not come back. ... Ha ha... pathetic, is it not? I could not save a single child...

Couldn't save a child
Who's fallen down
But the ruins get very small around
You'd be unhappy here
Expectations, loneliness, and fear
I'll put them aside
For you, I cannot
Still be by your side
I wish I could
My child, please be good

Please… be good...…
I love you, and I'll miss you, my child...

(Toriel hugs the human child and goes to leave, the two turning for one last look goodbye, before the child passes through the one-way door. A spotlight from the darkness illuminates Flowey, standing before them.)

[FLOWEY]
Howdy! You didn't forget about your best friend, Flowey, didya?

I bet you feel great
You're not a killer
You think that you're so smart?

It's kill or be killed
You'll play by my rules
This is barely the start

I wonder, what will you do?
Meeting one as bold as you?

Will you tire of trying?
Kill in frustration?
Live in the world I run?

I am the prince,
Don't worry, little monarch,
This is going to be fun!

Not killing anybody?
That's a WONDERFUL idea!
Good luck with that...

(Flowey sinks beneath the ground. The human child pauses, looks back at the first door, and tries to call Toriel. There is no response. They put the phone away and steps through the second door into Snowdin. They walk onward, unaware of Sans stealthily moving in behind them.)

[CHORUS]
Stepping out into the darkness
In a world far below
Hold fast your determination
Through the ice and the snow

Someone creeping up behind you
Wonder where did he go?
Hold fast your determination
Is he friend, is he foe?

[FEMALES]
Hold fast your determination…

Hold fast your determination

Hold fast your determination
[MALES]

Hold fast your determination…

Hold fast your determination
[CHORUS]
Through the ice and the snow

[FEMALES]
Hold fast your determination…

Hold fast your determination

Hold fast your determination
[MALES]

Hold fast your determination…

Hold fast your determination
[CHORUS]
Is he friend, is he foe?

[SANS]
Human. Don't you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand.

Hehehe, the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick. It's always funny.

Hey, anyway, never thought that today,
A little human in a striped shirt would come my way.
What a gaffe, that's a laugh, when you shook my hand-
'Spose I should go 'head, say, “Hi.” “
Hi.” My name is Sans.

I'm s'posed to be lookin' out for humans,
But I just don't feel like capturin' you, man,

There's lots to do, there's so much to see,
Here in the underground, if you just stick with me,
But watch out for my brother, if you do not mind,
He's dedicated to capturin' one of your kind,

I think that's him over there, so hide behind the light,
Come on and trust me, kid, you're gonna be alright, uh huh
And don't worry about the gate, it's not gonna stop anyone.

[PAPYRUS]
NOT GOING TO STOP WHO, SANS?

[SANS]
Don't feel bad, bro. It might stop any two. 'Sup?

[PAPYRUS]
You know what “SUP”, Brother! It's been eight days and you still haven't recalibrated the traps! You just stay outside your station! What are you even doing?

[SANS]
Staring at this lamp. It's really cool. Do you wanna look?

[PAPYRUS]
I don't have time, Sans! What if a human comes through?
I must be ready, get them before they're gone!
That way people will love and respect me,
More than they do already! I will be THE ONE!

[SANS]
That doesn't rhyme.

[PAPYRUS]
They won't believe I've captured a human,
And the great Papyrus will get all that he deserves!
Like a hedge carved in the shape of my head
People will ask to be my friend, and I will accept with verve!

Can't you see it, brother? I will bathe in a shower of kisses every morning!

[SANS]
Well, maybe the lamp could help those kisses light up your life.

[PAPYRUS]
SANS YOU ARE NOT HELPING, YOU LAZYBONES!

[SANS]
Take it easy. I've gotten a ton of work done today. A SKELE-ton.

[PAPYRUS]
SANS!

[SANS]
Come on, you're smiling.

[PAPYRUS]
I AM AND I HATE IT! Your rimshot interrupted my music! Why does someone so great as me have to work so hard to get some recognition?

[SANS]
Sounds like you're really working yourself… down to the bone.

[PAPYRUS]
Ugh…. I must get back to work! As for YOUR work… put a little more… BACKBONE into it!

Nyeh heh heh heh heh heh!
Heh.

[SANS]
Hey. Come on out, it'll be okay.
Better go, he might come this way.
Or, if you want, you could stay…
And listen to some jokes

Hey… one quick favor, if I may…
My brother's been kind of down,
And it would just make his day,
If a human came to town.

[SANS AND CHORUS]
Hey (Hey) you're not in danger, don't fuss, (don't fuss)
He won't hurt you, Papyrus,
If you keep going this way,

[SANS]
See you around, kid

[CHORUS]
Say (say)
What a lovely winter day
As the snow is falling down
To wash our cares away

Hold fast your determination
Hold as long the trail you go

Hold fast your determination
Going through the ice and snow
Please be good, as on you go

(The child continues on, seeing Sans has already caught up to Papyrus somehow.)

[PAPYRUS]
So, as I was saying about Undyne...

(Papyrus attempts to make a dramatic gesture, then sees the human. He looks over at Sans, who looks at the human. Sans looks back at Papyrus, who looks back at the human. This continues for some time.)

[PAPYRUS]
Sans! Oh my god! Is that... a human!?

[SANS]
Uh... actually, I think that's a rock.

[PAPYRUS]
Oh.

[SANS]
Hey... what's that in front of the rock?

[PAPYRUS
OH MY GOD! *Whispering* Is... is that a human?

[SANS]
*Whispering* Yes.

[PAPYRUS]
OH MY GOD!!! Sans! I finally did it! Undyne will... I'm gonna... I'll be so... popular! Popular! POPULAR! *Ahem* Human! You shall not pass this area! I, the great Papyrus, will stop you! I will then capture you! You will be delivered to the capital! Then... THEN! I'm not sure what's next. IN ANY CASE! Continue... only if you dare! Nyeh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

(Papyrus walks dramatically away)

[SANS]
Well, that went well. Don't sweat it, kid. I'll keep an eyesocket out for ya.

(The human continues along the path, passing by several monsters humming the Snowdin Carol. Many stop and stare at the human, steering clear of the child. Eventually, the human child comes across Papyrus and Sans - again.)

[SANS]
Hey, don't sweat it, kid, I know a shortcut.

[PAPYRUS]
Wowie! You actually did continue! I thought you would be afraid, but apparently I was wrong! You overcame my powers of intimidation so easily... too easily! However! The next devious puzzle will not be so easy! It is designed by my brother, so you will surely be confounded! I know I am!

[SANS]
Hey, thanks. Both of you. You seem like you're having fun. Hey, kid, by the way, see this outfit he has on? We made it for a costume party. He hasn't taken it off since. Isn't my brother the coolest?

[PAPYRUS]
Sans... that's your cue to bring out the puzzle...

[SANS]
Oh, yeah, uh, sure.

[PAPYRUS
Human! I hope you're ready for...

(Sans pulls out a newspaper and hands it to the human child.)

[PAPYRUS]
SANS! Where's the puzzle?

[SANS]
It's right there. Trust me. There's no way they can solve it.

[PAPYRUS]
Sans, that's a junior jumble! It's not going to do anything!

[SANS]
Whoops. I knew I should have used today's crossword instead.

[PAPYRUS
What? Crossword? I can't believe you said that! In my opinion, junior jumble is easily the hardest.

[SANS]
What? Really, dude? That easy-peasy word scramble? That's for baby bones.

[PAPYRUS]
Un. Believable. You are being SO unprofessional! Right, that's it, I'm getting the rest of the Snowdin Royal Guard!

(Papyrus whistles, as if for dogs. Awkward silence. Sans points out a nearby table, upon which the Royal Guard Dogs are playing poker. All of them are losing.)

(Dogsong plays in the background)

[PAPYRUS]
Hey, guys! Guys! Guys! You'll never guess what I found! I thought it was a rock, but it was a human!

[SANS]
Don't think they heard you.

[DOGGO]
Heard what?

[PAPYRUS]
Would you dogs stop playing poker for one second and listen? I, the great PAPYRUS, detected that a human has entered Snowdin!

[DOGAMY]
Oh, just that?

[DOGARESSA]
Well, that's no big deal, is it, sweetie?

[DOGAMY]
Not at all, sugar-lumps.

[PAPYRUS]
Then why does Undyne want us to capture the humans?

[DOGS]
UNDYNE?

[DOGAMY]
Come on, then! Let's find that human!

[DOGS]
Finding that human won't be hard, no no!
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh!
Find that human, get the goal, oh oh,
Get that human's human soul, oh oh
Oh….

A HUMAN! In Snowdin!

[PAPYRUS]
See? I told you! I found a human, and now I shall capture it!

I can't believe it,
I found a human,
When I capture it with puzzles, in the royal guard I'll be,
I'll go call Undyne,
Her jaw will hit the floor,
She'll cry tears of joy and be so happy with me!
They won't resist my style and my charm,
They'll be taken at once, this is gonna be great-
Stop right there human, listen to me-

[DOGS]
Go dogpile that human!

[PAPYRUS]
What the he- guys, wait!

[DOGS]
What?

[PAPYRUS]
Shouldn't I be the one-

[DOGGO]
Pfft, no.

[LESSER DOG]
This is royal guard business!

[PAPYRUS]
I'm with the royal guard!

[GREATER DOG]
You're in training!

[DOGARESSA]
Sorry, Papyrus, but you did your part wonderfully~

[DOGAMY]
Dearest, where'd the human go?

[DOGARESSA]
I thought Doggo was watching him!

[DOGGO]
I didn't see anything.

[DOGS]
FIND THE HUMAN!

Finding that human won't be hard, no no!
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh!…

[SANS]
It's right there.

[DOGS]
Oh.

[PAPYRUS]
They're even waving! How did you miss that?

[DOGGO]
Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

[DOGS]
Dogpile attempt number two! GO!

No more games, human,
Don't run away,
We'll get you, human,
Then we get paid!

We're the greatest guardsmen ever,
Nothing gets past us,
Except for you that one time,
But let's not raise a fuss!

With our obedience training,
We'll grab you, we bet!
Hey, is that a stick I see?
HEY! HEY! HEY! Gimme a pet!

[PAPYRUS]
Guys! Really? I thought you were better than this!

[LESSER DOG]
NOTHING IS BETTER THAN A BELLY RUB.

[PAPYRUS]
I thought we were gonna capture-

[GREATER DOG]
Yeah! But first, belly rubs!

[SANS]
How you gonna get pet by a kid who's not there?

[DOGS]
NOT THERE? FIND THE HUMAN!

Finding that human won't be hard, no no!
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh…

[PAPYRUS]
THEY BARELY MOVED!

[DOGS]
Oh.

[DOGGO]
I didn't see that coming.

[SANS]
So,… get the human?

[DOGS AND PAPYRUS]
GET THE HUMAN!

[SANS]
Okay, cool. Have at it.

[DOGS]
We're the greatest guardsmen ever,
Nothing gets past us,
Except for you once again,
But let's not raise a fuss!

[DOGS]
With our skill and fitness,
We will win the day!
Tackle them into the snow!
Then roll around and play!

Sit, stay, fetch, shake hands, roll over,
We know all the tricks!
Let's keep playing – wait, we're fighting?
Dang it, we got mixed up again!

Where'd the human run off to?
Weren't you keeping watch?
No, this snow is freakin' awesome
Can I sniff your-
[PAPYRUS]
Come on then, human, much more to do,
I've prepared all sorts of jumbles, puzzles, traps, and you'll see-
Here on this table, ready to be microwaved, a frozen plate of my own homemade spaghetti!
If you feel hungry, go ahead and take a bite, it will distract you, and there you will want to stay!
Okay, maybe it's stuck to the table – hey, human, where are you going? Please do not run away!
[SANS]
What happened to third time's the charm?

[PAPYRUS]
What happened to the Royal Guard helping me ou- GUYS!

[DOGS]
WHAT?

[PAPYRUS]
The human's gone!

[DOGS]
GONE? Find the human!

[DOGS]
Finding that human won't be hard, no no,
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh…
Finding that human won't be hard, no no,
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh…
Finding that human won't be hard, no no,
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh…
Finding that human won't be hard, no no,
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh…
Finding that human won't be hard, no no,
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh…
Finding that human won't be hard, no no,
Not for the great royal guard, oh oh
Oh...

[PAPYRUS]
This is why I don't work with amateurs…!

[SANS]
Would you say you had a bone to pick with them?

[PAPYRUS]
SANS!

[SANS]
Hey, it's all in a dog-day's work.
[PAPYRUS]
OH MY GOD! Sans! Do you really think an audience would come from far and wide to watch an overweight skeleton tell bad jokes?

[SANS]
Hey, I'm not fat, I'm big boned!

[PAPYRUS]
This is exactly what I'm talking about! While you're standing here making dog and bone puns, the human's been long gone! Why, I bet they're almost at...at... at Snowdin Town! Oh dear! I have to go - I have to defend the town! I SHALL BE BACK!

(Papyrus runs off)

[SANS]
Hey, uh, guys, can we get a little transition here?

(A stage transition happens as the child approaches Snowdin Town, and Sans remains onstage. Papyrus runs back on.)

[PAPYRUS]
I'M BACK! Human! This is your final and most dangerous challenge! Behold! The gauntlet of deadly terror!

(Spears, a flamethrower, a cannon, a spiked ball, and an annoying dog appear, pointed at the human child.)

[PAPYRUS]
When I say the word, it will fully activate! Cannons will fire! Spikes will swing! Blades will slice! Each part will swing violently up and down! Only the tiniest chance of victory will remain! Are you ready!? Because! I! Am! About! To do it!

(He doesn't do it.)

[SANS]
Well? What's the holdup?

[PAPYRUS]
Holdup!? What holdup? I'm... I'm about to activate it now!

(He doesn't.)

[SANS]
That, uh, doesn't look very activated.

[PAPYRUS]
Well! This challenge! It seems... maybe... too easy to defeat the human with! Yeah! We can't use this one! I am a skeleton with standards! My puzzles are very fair! And my traps are expertly cooked! But this method is too direct! No class at all! Away it goes!

(Away it goes)

[PAPYRUS]
Phew...Uh... What are you looking at? This was another decisive victory for Papyrus! Nyeh! HEH! ... Heh???

(Papyrus leaves)

[SANS]
Gee, nice to see, you came out of the cold,
Honestly the dogs singin' was getting' old
And Papyrus didn't get ya, though he thinks he can,
He's gonna try even harder, take it from ol' Sans.

But for now let's relax, enjoy the many
Food, drinks, and laughs of Snowdin town, and any-

Way. Like I said, kid, you're okay
Wipe out that look of dismay,
It's a lovely winter day,

So if you'd just come this way…

[SANS AND CHORUS]
Feel all the crunchy winter snow on the ground
That's the kind of life you live in Snowdin town
We've got trees and lights and wreaths and everything,
So let's just step outside and go caroling...

La la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la

[CHORUS AND MONSTER KID]
Now,
Living here in Snowdin Town
It's the only life we've known
Since we're trapped underground!

True
We're denied the sun and moon
But we do not have to fear
We have each other now

[MONSTER KID]
I see the snow down here and wonder why
Does weather happen here?
If so can I see?

But when the snow falls I know we can smile

[CHORUS AND MONSTER KID]
And open presents under the Christmas tree

[CHORUS]
La la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la

Oh,
We will never be alone
As long as this carol rings,
And tells us that we're home

Love,
When we see the sky above
It's the thing we're dreaming of
When from this world we've flown

[MONSTER KID]
The royal guard are such a funny bunch!
It's fun to watch 'em go, but why are they here?

I guess it's politics, I'm happy though!

[MONSTER KID AND CHORUS]
And I'll stay happy just as long as you're near!

[CHORUS]
La la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la la la

(WORK IN PROGRESS)