Uncle Bernie’s Farm

[Intro]
I'm dreaming, oh no!

[Verse 1]
There's a bomb to blow your mommy up
A bomb for your daddy too (Ouch)
A baby doll that burps & pees, a case of airplane glue
A hungry plastic troll to scarf your buddy's arm
A box of ugly plastic things marked: "Uncle Bernie's Farm!"

[Verse 2]
There's a little plastic congress
There's a nation you can buy (I'll take two)
There's a doll that looks like mommy
She'll do anything but cry (I've seen her)
There's a doll that looks like daddy, he's a funny little man
Push a button & ask for money, there's a dollar in his hand
Check his wallet!

[Bridge]
We gotta send Santa Claus back to the Rescue Mission
Christmas don't make it no more
Don't you know that murder and destruction
Scream the toys in every store (Think this'll sell in New York?)

[Verse 3]
There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
When they melt they start to stink
There's a book with smiling children
Nearly dead with Christmas joy!
And smiling in his office is the creep who makes the toys

[Spoken Outro]
"We got this car: when it hits the wall you see the guy dying, you got the little plastic puddles of blood that you put up on the car"
"I'm dreaming!"
"And his intestines, you have plastic intestines you can stuff back into his stomach"
"There's this other thing, I've got bombs. I've got rockets, I've got a... I've got a stilson wrench & plastic brass knuckles"
"And it comes with a tape recorder with sound effects, screaming and crying"
"We got a '39 Chevy..."