A parody version of “Two Little Boys”, a song made popular in the UK by Rolf Harris, where the titular boys became police officers (and pretty brutal ones at that) instead of soldiers.
The song appeared on Connolly’s 1977 album “Raw Meat for the Balcony” and was also performed at “The Secret Police...
[Chorus]
Do you think I could leave you lying
When I can lie my head off too
If somebody squawks in the witness box
I'll cover up for you
I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes
The way the Sergeant taught us to
Before you count to three, we'll be off scot-free
We're two little boys in blue
[Verse 1]
Two little boys had two little toys
A whistle and a helmet, blue
And when they were wee, it was plain to see
What they'd grow up into
They were hitting other wee'yins, bashing in their brains
And shopping everybody too [it was him!!]
They didn't reform, now they're in uniform
They're two little boys in blue
[Chorus]
Do you think I could leave you lying
When I can lie my head off too
If somebody squawks in the witness box
I'll cover up for you
I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes
The way the Sergeant taught us to
Before you count to three, we'll be off scot-free
We're two little boys in blue
[Verse 2]
Now the Duty Sergeant said "tuck the prisoners into bed
But before you take their cocoa through
Keep them in their cells and hit them where it tells
But don't leave them black and blue
You can kick them on their balls, bounce their heads off the walls
Bash them on their kidneys too
Beat them on their legs and thighs but don't give them black eyes
Or you'll be a prisoner too"
[Chorus]
Do you think I could leave you lying
When I can lie my head off too
If somebody squawks in the witness box
I'll cover up for you
I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes
The way the Sergeant taught us to
Before you count to three, we'll be off scot-free
We're two little boys in blue
[Verse 3]
So if you see them on the beat as they swagger down your street
Here's a piece of advice for you
Don't trust your luck, turn 'round, run like the clappers
From the the two little boys in blue
[Chorus]
Do you think I could leave you lying
When I can lie my head off too
If somebody squawks in the witness box
I'll cover up for you
I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes
The way the Sergeant taught us to
Before you count to three, we'll be off scot-free
We're two little boys in blue
Billy Connolly released Two Little Boys in Blue on Sat Jan 01 1977.