Twirler Girl

[KYLE, spoken]
You think a twirler girl would actually go out with you?

[STEWART, spoken]
That would destroy the whole natural order of things!

[ELLIOTT]
"Hello, Elliott," she said
I think she finally noticed me!

[SPITZ, spoken]
It's only been ten years

[ELLIOTT]
Those are the first words she said
Since we were in sophomore chemistry
When she said:

[NICOLE]
Pass the pipette, please
(spoken)
Thanks

[ELLIOTT]
But I think she noticed that I'm not the same
And this time, she even used my name!

[KYLE, spoken]
Well, stranger things have happened

[SPITZ, spoken]
Yeah. Milli Vanilli won a Grammy

[ELLIOTT]
Bright white tennis shoes
A smile that cures any blues

[SPITZ]
She makes your flag unfurl!

[KYLE]
But do you really have a prayer?

[STEWART]
You're just a tuba player

[ALVIN]
And she's a twirler girl

[GUYS]
She's a twirler girl

[KYLE, spoken]
Besides, isn't she like, engaged to that jerk from the swim team?

[ALVIN, spoken]
No, he dumped her last week, right in the middle of her shift at the Chick-fil-A

[SPITZ, spoken]
Brutal

[ELLIOTT, spoken]
Maybe if her best friend puts in a good word on my behalf?

[ALVIN]
Nicole likes guys who are tall
Who act real macho and in command

[ELLIOTT]
That's true, but still
After all, I'm captain of the school marching band

[SPITZ]
I mean, I think she likes athletes, dude

[ELLIOTT]
But I've been working out on the elliptical
My weight is down, can't you see?
And now I'm thinking that the feeling's reciprocal
By the way that she looked at me
Fifteen pounds lighter, maybe I could invite her out
For a chocolate-strawberry swirl
She could drink it while I eat a salad with a side of pita

[GUYS]
She'd be your twirler girl

[ELLIOTT]
She'd be my twirler girl

[SPITZ, spoken]
There's no way you got a shot with her, homeslice

[ELLIOTT, spoken]
You guys are just jealous. She's totally into me!

[STEWART]
Yeah, right, and Sousa wrote waltzes!

[ELLIOTT]
And Nicole is prettier than my brother's girlfriend
The Miss Cuyahoga Falls winner
And my whole family would look at me differently
If I brought her home to have dinner
My dad would put down the golf magazine
And my mom would stop watching TV
And they'd see that I was someone
For once. I'd be someone
Not just my weatherman brother
But me

[ELLIOTT, GUYS]
And she'd come up to my room
And we'd sit on my floor
Reading rare back issues of The Fantastic Four!
And we'd watch all three Star Wars movies in succession
And I'd crack her up with my Chewbacca impression
And we'd play two-player on my Nintendo system
And I'd play my compositions
How could she resist them?
Cause secretly she'd say:
"I love all that stuff"
Just like me: a music lover and sci-fi buff
And finally she'll see that I'm good enough (Ooh)
I'd be good enough! (Ahh)

And we'd ride to school in my brother's Chevy Malibu (Ooh)
Bop-bop-ba
The former swine and his pearl (Ooh)
Bop-bop-ba
And all the jocks will turn around to get a better view of (Ooh)
Bop-bop-ba
Me and my twirler—
Finally, I'll walk the halls without any catcalls (Ooh)
Bop-bop-ba
No, they'd have no insults to hurl (Ooh)
Bop-bop-ba
Oh, I can't wait to see the way that they look at me (Ooh)
Me and my twirler girl (Girl!)
She'd be my twirler girl! (She'd be your twirler girl!)