Twentieth Century Englishman

We've heard so many stories of our great country's past
And the noblemen who made it that way
They were chivalrous and fearless, stiff upper lip to the last
But what about the chaps of today?
Now here's a little story and it's very, very true
It's all about a character who could be me or you

He was working as a clerk behind a counter in a bank
When a gang of bandits called one day
Quick as a flash he handed them all the cash
Then hid until they'd gone away

'Cause he's a red-blooded, honest-to-goodness
Twentieth century Englishman

One night he took a girl out driving in his car
They pulled up in a country lane
He didn't get a kiss so that poor little miss
Had to walk home in the pouring rain

'Cause he's a red-blooded, honest-to-goodness
Twentieth century Englishman

He came upon a vicar who was preaching in the high street
And collecting for poor folks who go without
When the box came 'round he put in half a crown
Then quickly whipped ten shillings out

'Cause he's a red-blooded, honest-to-goodness
Twentieth century Englishman

One day he saw a fellow who was drowning in the river
Shouting out "Help! Help! I can't swim!"
He just walked on by and called out "Neither can I
"But I don't boast about it, Jim"

'Cause I'm a red-blooded, honest-to-goodness
Twentieth century Englishman

Now the moral of this story is all too plain to see
And my heart sighs heavy in my breast
'Cause if every other fellow in this country's like me
It's no wonder that we're in a mess