Twelve Days of Christmas

(Bob, Doug, Chorus)

[Intro]
OK, good day. This is our Christmas part of the album and you can play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothin' else to do
Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part
Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get, uh, your true love for Christmas
Look out the window!
Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?
Snow, hosehead!
Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing cause it's Christmastime. Hey, hoser!
What?
Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug...
OK, I have my "thinking toque" on
Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? Cause, figure it out, right? Christmas is when?
Um, the twenty-fifth...
Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So...
That's two
That's two. And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day
Wrestling Day
Wrestl.. get out!
Boxing Day, yeah, yeah
That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!
New Year's!
Four and what's...
New Year's Eve?
That's five. Where do ya get twelve?
Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So, that's nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days

(music starts)

OK, this is our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to get someone for Christmas
There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

(organ starts)

By the way, that's ME on the organ
Oh, geez
You start...
OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A beer

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two turtle-necks
And a beer

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer
There should be more there, eh?
Where? Oh, go!

Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer
...in a tree. See, you need more

Oh... fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five golden toques
Four pound of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle necks
And a beer... where?
In a tree (In a tree)

OK, on the sixth d-, go!
..Christmas, my true love gave to me
(Six...) Six packs of two-four
Five golden toques (Five golden toques)
Beauty
(Four...) Four pounds of back-bacon
(Three...)Three French toast
(Two...) Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a tree (in a tree). OK
(And a beeeeeeeeer...)

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven pack of smokes
(Nice gift!)
Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four
Five golden toques (Five golden toques)
(Four...) Four pounds of back-bacon
(Three...) Three French toast
(Two...) Two turtle-necks
(And a beeeeeeeeer...)
And a beer (in a tree) in a tree. Keep forgetting
Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too hard for us! Go, hoser

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me (On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
Eight comic books

(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)
B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five...
C: (catches up) Five golden toques
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
ALL: And a beer...
B & D: On my tree
B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um...
C: TWELVE!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..

(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)
ALL: Five golden toques
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums

[Outro]
D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...
D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!

(as music fades)

D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven"
D: What?