This Grudge

[Verse 1]
Fourteen years, thirty minutes
Fifteen seconds I've held this grudge
Eleven songs, four full journals
Thoughts of punishment I've expended

[Verse 2]
Not in contact, not a letter
Such communication, telepathic
You've been vilified, used as fodder
You deserve a piece of every record

[Pre-Chorus 1]
But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
And who's it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?

[Chorus]
I wanna be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

[Verse 3]
Like an abandoned house, dusty covered
Furniture, still intact
If I visit it now, do I simply re-live it?
Somehow gratuitous

[Pre-Chorus 2]
But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing?

[Chorus]
I wanna be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

[Bridge]
Maybe as I cut the cord
Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders to rise

[Verse 4]
Here I sit much determined
Ever ill-equipped to draw this curtain
How this has entertained, validated
And has served me greatly, ever the victim

[Pre-Chorus 3]
But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down?
This load I've carried longer
Than I had cared to remember

[Chorus]
I wanna be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

I wanna be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us