Things I never said

Verse:
Was locked in my head, wanting to be dead
Still thinking and staying up in my bed
Don't know how to stop the thoughts about death
Want the best for my siblings, better than what I had
Had sex once, and now imma rat
Can't do shit without these people talking
All these people always watch how I be walking
How the fuck I got no faith, but give it to people?
You said you're here to stay, the fuck you leave for?
How the fuck I got no faith, but knowing that's my name?
Never had no help, that shit's insane
Can't even see my sistеr, man, is she safe?
Ran off without saying her placе
I hate how I don't love myself, not one bit
If I had to say anything, it would be this
Always been hurting the people who love me
That's why they don't stay, they don't stand above me
I'm sorry if I fall and let you down
Told you before, I stand alone in the crowd
Instead of trying to be me, I tried to be perfect
Been told to keep my chin up, is it even worth it?
You're not even sorry for the damaged you caused
Now I'm pouring my heart out into these songs
Trying to be a perfect picture is hard with a broken frame
Suicide thoughts, suicide brain
I had a past that fucked me up, I think death has called my name
All the shit you made up had really made this broken face
Tried to make people see the "perfect" in me
They never did, and I lost myself because of it
Tired of all this shit, think I'm sick of it
Thought I needed you, but all I need is me
Need to realize this is how it needs to be
Always laying down, you think I get a lot of sleep
Feel like I've been thinking forever, it's not even three
Don't wanna be happy
Cuz everytime I am, something bad always happens
Can't even be happy for one minute
All of this yelling, I'm reaching my limit
I fucking hate the person I become
Don't let you help, guess I'm too numb
Don't let you help cuz you gon walk away like the rest
You gotta understand that I'm giving my best
I'm a huge fuck up, I already know
But I don't say "I love you" just for the show
I always lose me, then find me again
But this time is different, cuz I don't know if I can
I know I'm not perfect but I fuckin try
You don't gotta laugh and then fucking lie
Gotta stay strong, gotta keep it together
Think when I was on the meds, I was doing way better
Now I'm lost