This ode to gender fluidity turns an attempt to escape the questioning gaze of a stranger in an elevator into an anthemic declaration of love for one’s own body – "wild, immense, untamed" – and for the continual evolution of one’s relationship with gender, no matter how complicated it might be.
Slipping through the elevator doors well aware
That- that- that the man could be already there
Will he look?
Must I always come and go in distress?
I forget
I can’t escape behind the shape of my chest
And as a matter of fact
Either way I serve it
I am bound to a trap
Of two determined landscapes
So I’m bound to attack like a river:
Reflect, disconnect, deliver
All I’ve wanted for the place I live
Is the same for this vessel I’m in
A body of water, whole, alone, and free
Feeling nothing, it will pool inside of me
Resting my hands after I fought
To resurrect what I forgot
New hands appeared before my eyes
To move the dirt again
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
How suddenly there was a door
Now, when I look in the mirror
It’s not as hard to tell myself
The good things that I want to hear
But the problem slips from foul lips
And the misunderstanding of an ownership
Family doesn’t mean you can touch
And “just joking” is not a reason enough for me to
Not bite but be polite
And if you don’t see it coming
Then you better think twice
All I’ve wanted for the place I live
Is respect for this vessel I’m in
A body of water, wild, immense, untamed
Teach me how to be unseen as something to claim
Just when I thought I had run into a standstill
How suddenly there was a door
(If you don’t want it, you can reset it)
Here it comes, a current
Can you feel it rushing through
(If you don’t want it, you can reset it)
Despite all its power, I’ve learned it’s best
To shut my mouth and yet
(If you don’t want it, you can reset it)
The pressure will come
Enough with exposition
(If you don’t want it, you can reset it)
Get to the heart of it, no matter
What you started with
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
I just keep coming out to myself
I just keep coming out to myself
It just keeps coming
There Was a Door was written by Z Santos & Nick Corbo & Ryan Galloway.
There Was a Door was produced by Crying.
Crying released There Was a Door on Fri Oct 14 2016.