There’s Always a Woman

[CORA, spoken]
Cherchez la femme

(sung)
There's always a woman
To spoil the illusion
The rotten banana
That ruins the bunch
There's always a woman
Who causes confusion
There's nothing as low as a woman...
We must lunch

[FAY, spoken]
Love to.

[CORA, spoken]
Noon-ish?

[FAY, spoken]
Tomorrow.

[CORA, spoken]
Today.

[FAY, spoken]
My place?

[CORA, spoken]
Mine.

[FAY]
There's always a woman
The one disappointment
The note that goes sour
And gums up the tune
The ant at the picnic
The fly in the ointment
There's nothing as low as a woman...
Ring me soon!

[CORA, spoken]
Love to.

[FAY, spoken]
Au revoir.

[CORA, spoken]
Leaving?

[FAY, spoken]
I thought...

[CORA, spoken]
I know.

[FAY, spoken]
I tried.

[CORA & FAY]
It's always a woman—
The counterfeit check

[FAY]
The snake in the woodpile

[CORA]
The pain in the neck

[CORA & FAY]
The sand in the oyster
That isn't a pearl
There's nothing as low as a woman...
Darling girl

[CORA, spoken]
Pet.

[FAY, spoken]
Lamb.

[CORA, spoken]
Dove.

[FAY, spoken]
Fish.

[CORA]
The run in the stocking
The snag in the zipper
The weather in London
The water in France
It's always a woman
It's Jacqueline the Ripper
There's nothing as low as a woman...
Shall we dance?

[FAY, spoken]
Waltz?

[CORA, spoken]
Rhumba?

[FAY, spoken]
Can-can?

[CORA, spoken]
Tango?

[FAY, spoken]
Schottische?

[CORA, spoken]
Gavotte?

[FAY, spoken]
Cha-cha?

[CORA, spoken]
Tap?

[FAY, spoken]
Bolero?

[CORA, spoken]
Polka?

[FAY, spoken]
Bridge?

[CORA, spoken]
Two hearts.

[FAY, spoken]
Three clubs.

[CORA, spoken]
I pass.

[FAY]
There's always a woman
A crimp in the writing
The hole in the sidewalk
The gum on the shoe
She almost looks human
It must be the lighting
Whatever it is, it's a woman
How are you?

[CORA, spoken]
Fine.

[FAY, spoken]
Pity.

[CORA & FAY]
It's always a woman—

[FAY]
The hand in the till

[CORA]
The five-dollar diamond

[FAY]
The three-dollar bill

[CORA & FAY]
A genius for trickery
That's second to none
There's nothing as low as a woman—
Isn't this fun?

[CORA, spoken]
Lovely.

[FAY, spoken]
Charming.

[CORA, spoken]
Delicious.

[FAY, spoken]
Stunning.

[CORA, spoken]
Fabulous.

[FAY, spoken]
Gorgeous.

[CORA & FAY, spoken]
Exquisite.

[CORA]
A knife would be perfect

[FAY]
A gun would be perfect

[CORA]
It's quick and it's quiet

[FAY]
At least I could try it

[CORA]
I hear they do wonders—

[FAY]
And you can do wonders—

[CORA]
—With poisonous gas

[FAY]
—With slivers of glass

[CORA]
There's always the quarry

[FAY]
There's always curare

[CORA]
She'd never be found

[FAY]
I have some around

[CORA]
A noose is efficient—

[FAY]
Bamboo is efficient—

[CORA]
She won't make a sound

[FAY]
—As long as it's ground

[CORA]
Whatever will do it

[FAY]
Whatever will do it

[CORA]
If anything will

[FAY]
If anything will

[CORA & FAY]
There's nothing as low as a woman—

[CORA, spoken]
Sneak.

[FAY, spoken]
Thief.

[CORA, spoken]
Cheat.

[FAY, spoken]
Crook.

[CORA, spoken]
Frump.

[FAY, spoken]
Fake.

[CORA, spoken]
Bore.

[FAY, spoken]
Bag.

[CORA, spoken]
Leech.

[FAY, spoken]
Bore.

[CORA, spoken]
Witch.

[FAY, spoken]
Crone.

[CORA, spoken]
Police!

[FAY, spoken]
Ghoul.
Police!

[CORA & FAY, spoken]
Shoot to kill!