There Goes the Neighborhood

“Would you like some more water?"

"Naw, I'm good."

"That's not what your parole
Officer said
Did you register when you moved into
The neighborhood?”

I couldn’t decide if he was a cold
Racist asking a racist question
Or a friendly racist telling a racist
Joke

Either way, I was not amused
But I laughed

As the awkward chuckle passed through
My lips
It tasted like The Eucharist
Like blood in my mouth
My stomach churned as I imagined it
Would if I ate human flesh

I felt like Judas and Christ
Betraying myself then hanging in
Silence as I’m crucified

I wanted to prove him wrong

I wanted to stand up and list off
My
Credentials in words with more
Syllables than his
Simple mind could take

I wanted to prove him right

I wanted to stand up and fire off
Hyphenated profanities
Inventing new conjugations
For four letter words like
The dumbest nigga he done eva heard

I wanted to prove him wrong

I wanted to leave and come back with
The black elite. A fleet of the
Sharpest
Darkest intellectuals he's ever seen
Leaving tips large enough to buy out
This
Business twice over

I wanted to prove him right

I wanted to leave and come back
With thugs and hoodrats
With chains guns and bats
Burn this place to ash

But what did I do?
I laughed

Then sat there silently
Then ran home and wrote poetry?
Then screamed it out like I’m not a
Coward?
Like I didn’t cry in front of my
Computer screen?
Like I wasn’t waiting for my two white
Friends to speak up for me?
Like I stood up for myself?
Like I did something?
Like I fought a revolution?
Like it wasn’t funny?
Like I didn’t laugh?

But I did

And it tasted like The Eucharist
Like blood in my mouth
And I swallowed it