The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind

[RATIGAN, spoken]
My friends! We are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes! A crime that will live in infamy! Tomorrow evening our beloved monarch celebrates her Diamond Jubilee. And with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Mr. Flaversham, it promises to be a night she will never forget... her last night! And my first as supreme ruler of all mousedom!

[Verse 1]
(sung)
Ha ha ha ha ha!
From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper
The head that made headlines in every newspaper
And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job
That cunning display that made Londoners sob!

Now comes the real tour de force
Tricky and wicked, of course!
My earlier crimes were fine for their times
But now that I'm at it again
An even grimmer plot has been simmering
In my great criminal brain!

[Chorus]
[RATIGAN'S GANG]
Even meaner? You mean it?
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?
You're the best of the worst around!
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
The rest fall behind!
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
The world's greatest criminal mind!

[Verse 2]
[RATIGAN]
Thank you, thank you
But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar
I've had my share of adversity thanks to that miserable, second-rate detective: Basil of Baker Street!
(Boo!)
For years that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans
I haven't had a moment's peace of mind!
(Aww!)
But, all that's in the past
This time nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way!
All will bow before me!

[Chorus]
[RATIGAN'S GANG]
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're tops and that's that!
To Ratigan
To Ratigan

[BARTHOLOMEW]
To Ratigan - the world's greatest rat!

(spoken)
[RATIGAN]
What. Was. That? What did you call me?

[GANG MEMBER #1]
Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, professor!

[GANG MEMBER #2]
It was just a slip of the tongue!

[RATIGAN]
I am not a rat!

[GANG MEMBER #3]
'Course you're not. You're a mouse!

[GANG MEMBER #1]
Yeah, that's right, right - a mouse!

[GANG MEMBER #2]
Yeah, a-a big mouse!

[RATIGAN]
Silence! Oh, my dear Bartholomew. I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me

[BARTHOLOMEW, sung]
Oh, Ratigan, you're the tops and that's that. Ooo, dear. To Ratigan, to Ratigan, the world's greatest...

[RATIGAN]
Oh, Felicia, my precious. My baby. Did daddy's little honeybun enjoy her tasty treat? I trust there will be no further... interruptions. And now, as you were singing?

[Chorus]
[RATIGAN'S GANG, sung]
Even louder!
We'll shout it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do
You're more evil than even you
Oh, Ratigan
Oh, Ratigan
You're one of a kind!
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
The world's greatest criminal mind!