The Wild, Wild West

[Verse]
Kindly check yore shootin' irons yonder at the door
Please remove yore spurs before you come out on the floor
We'll have no gunplay here at this charade
No, siree, there's gotta be down right respectability
Where ev'rybody drinks pink lemonade

[Chorus 1]
I was hopin' to be ropin' somepin' wild in the wild, wild west
I been settin' till I'm gettin' kinda riled at the wild, wild west
I read about them desperado guys
As desperate as men can be
I reckon it was just a pack o' lies
The only one who's desperate is me
I don't care if he's a sheriff, or a real cattle rustlin' heel
The property I've got ain't hard to steal, your deal!
Oh, they say they have hair on their chest
The only thing I've seen is just a fancy vest
Holy smackers, milk and crackers, but it's wild in the wild, wild west

[Chorus 2]
I was aimin' to be claimin' me a pard in the wild, wild west
I was lookin' to be tooken off my guard in the wild, wild west
They told me that the outlaws captured you
And never set a lady free
I heard they held 'em all for ransom too
But evidently ransom don't want me
All that prattle 'bout the cattle bein' left on the range to graze
Well, don't they ever have no roundup days, I raise!
Yeah, I heard about them western chaps
I've only seen the kind you wear around your laps
Sars'parella, citronella, but it's wild in the wild, wild west