The Valiant Conscript

How are you boys? I'm just from camp and feel as brave as Caesar
The sound of bugle, drum and fife has raised my Ebeneezer
I'm full of fight, odd shots and shell and leap into the saddle
And when the yankees see me come, Lord how they will skedaddle

Hold your head up Shanghai shanks, don't shake your knees and blink so
It's no time to dodge the act, brave comrades don't you think so

I was a plow boy in the field, a gawking, lazy, dodger
When came the conscript officer and took me for a soldier
He put a musket in my hands and showed me how to fire it
I marched and counter marched all day, Lord how I did admire it

Hold your head up Shanghai shanks, don't shake your knees and blink so
It's no time to dodge the act, brave comrades don't you think so

With corn and hog fat for my food, a digging, guarding, drilling
I got as thin as twice skimmed milk and scarcely worth the killing
And now I'm used to homely fare, my skin's as tough as leather
I do guard duty cheerfully in every kind of weather

'Tis true I have not seen a fight, nor have I smelt gunpowder
But then the way I'll pepper them will be a sin to chowder
A sergeant's stripes I now will sport, perhaps be color bearer
And then a captain, good for me, I'll be a regular terror

I'll then begin to wear the stars and then the wreathes of glory
Until the army I command and poets sing my story
Our congress will pass votes of thanks to him who rose from zero
The people in a mass will shout, hurrah behold the hero

Hold your head up Shanghai shanks, don't shake your knees and blink so
It's no time to dodge the act, brave comrades don't you think so

[Gunshot]

What's that? Oh dear a boiler burst, a gas pipe has exploded
Maybe the yankees are hard by with muskets ready loaded
Oh gallant soldiers beat them back, I'll join you in the frolic
But I've a chill from head to foot and symptoms of the colic

Hold your head up Shanghai shanks, don't shake your knees and blink so
It's no time to dodge the act, brave comrades don't you think so
It's no time to dodge the act, brave comrades don't you think so