The Stand Up Comic’s Instructions

Now listen:

Get 'em laughing - keep 'em there
You hold your own and they'll hold theirs
Hold their glasses - can't hold their beer
Tell 'em the one about the friggin' queer
Do the one that always works
'Bout the lazy blacks that don't like work
And once you got 'em, keep 'em there
Raise their spirits! Raise their cheer!

I don't know what you want from me
But I know I'll never be
The kind of person who gives away just laughs

Do that one that never fails
'Bout the gang of white thugs and the Asian male
And once you got 'em, they'll be with you!
See this lot's loyal, through and through

Tell Irish jokes and you can't miss
Do the building site one and how they're all thick
Keep 'em laughing - you'll have it made
We're a friendly lot and you'll be well paid

I don't know what you want from me
But I know I'll never be...

But keep 'em laughing don't let it stop
Or the truth might catch up and spoil the plot