The Selfish Shellfish

I chose to lead the quieter sort of artist's life
No kids, no wife
They weren’t part of my plan
And sometimes I have conversations with the dead
I'm off my head
A quite peculiar man

And if you say I should proceed a good deal more like other chaps
I'd say ‘Perhaps
But that’s the way I am'
And if you say this clearly shows a certain lack of moral health
I'd say ‘Go fuck yourself!
I'm happy as a clam

I may be a selfish shellfish
Just a crusty old crustacean
With ideas above his station
Yes I may be a selfish shellfish
But here within my cloister
The whole cosmos is my oyster

And as the fish swim past, I hear one cry
‘That's the prawn that makes those records
That no one wants to buy'

I seem to have a certain knack for melodies
With harmonies
That linger in the mind
But a critic pointed out that all my songs appeared
To be quite weird
And he was being kind

And if you say I should have used this gift to make a bob or two
I'd say ‘That's true
I’ve probably been a fool’
And if you say my work has failed and thus my life has been misspent
I'd say ‘Get bent!’
I'm stubborn as a moule

I may be a selfish shellfish
A sort of crabby hermit
Who makes art without a permit
Yes, I may be a selfish shellfish
But let the flashy abalones
Win applause by being phoneys
I will stay under my rock and do my art
To be such a lucky winkle warms the cockles of my heart

I may be a selfish shellfish
Like a scallop or an ormer
But perhaps more like the former
Yes, I may be a selfish shellfish
Of the order Gastropoda
With a charming, fishy odour
Yes, I may be a selfish shellfish
But you can have to much of me
I can bring on an allergy
And so I'll really have to try
To say ‘Goodbye, good bivalve, goodbye'