The Sadder-But-Wiser Girl for Me

[HAROLD]
No wide-eyed, eager
Wholesome innocent Sunday school teacher for me
That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever-
Listen, boy-
A girl who trades on all that purity
Merely wants to trade my independence
For her security

(Sung)
The only affirmative she will file
Refers to marching down the aisle

No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess
No, sir!
For no Diana do I play faun
I can tell you that right now

I snarl, I hiss
How can ignorance be compared to bliss?
I spark, I fizz
For the lady who knows what time it is
I cheer, I rave
For the virtue I'm too late to save
The sadder but wiser girl for me

No bright-eyed, blushing
Breathless baby-doll baby
No, sir!
That kinda child ties knots
No sailor ever knew

I prefer to take a chance
On a more adult romance
No dewy young miss who keeps resisting
All the time she keeps insisting

No wide-eyed, wholesome
Innocent female
No, sir!
Why, she's the fisherman
I'm the fish, you see?
Plop!

I flinch, I shy
When the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin
When the gal with a touch of sin walks in
I shout

[MARCELLUS]
"At last!"

[HAROLD]
For the lady with a bitter past

[HAROLD & MARCELLUS]
The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me

[HAROLD]
No darling, adorable, true bein' chickadee

[MARCELLUS]
No, sir!

[HAROLD]
Not for me
You'll wake up in a coop some morning
To a cackle no rooster ever crooned

[MARCELLUS]
Caw-caw-caw!

[HAROLD]
I select a little more warily
Forever mine, forever true, but temporarily

The rainbow always goes away
To come again some other day

No wide-eyed, eager
Wholesome innocent female

[MARCELLUS]
No, sir!

[HAROLD]
Her victims fall like
Apples from her tree

[MARCELLUS]
Plop!

[HAROLD]
Plop!

[MARCELLUS]
Plop!

[HAROLD]
I flinch

[MARCELLUS]
I shy

[HAROLD]
I smile

[MARCELLUS]
I grin

[HAROLD & MARCELLUS]
I hope, I pray

[HAROLD]
For Hester to win just one more "A"

[MARCELLUS, spoken]
Woo! Here we go, Greg!

[HAROLD, spoken]
Come on!

[HAROLD & MARCELLUS]
The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me