The Revenger’s Tragedy (Act I, Scene I)

Enter VINDICE.

THE DUKE, DUCHESS, LUSSURIOSO, the Duke's son, SPURIO the bastard, with a train, pass over the stage with torchlight.

VINDICE
Duke! royal lecher! go, grey-hair'd adultery!
And thou his son, as impious steep'd as he:
And thou his bastard, true begot in evil:
And thou his duchess, that will do with devil:
Four exc'llent characters! O, that marrowless age
Should stuff the hollow bones with damn'd desires!
And, 'stead of heat, kindle infernal fires
Within the spendthrift veins of a dry duke,
A parch'd and juiceless luxur. O God! one,
That has scarce blood enough to live upon;
And hе to riot it, like a son and heir!
O, the thought of that
Turns my abusеd heart-strings into fret.
Thou sallow picture of my poison'd love,

Views the skull in his hand

My study's ornament, thou shell of death,
Once the bright face of my betrothed lady,
When life and beauty naturally fill'd out
These ragged imperfections;
When two heaven-pointed diamonds were set
In those unsightly rings--then 'twas a face
So far beyond the artificial shine
Of any woman's bought complexion,
That the uprightest man (if such there be,
That sin but seven times a day) broke custom,
And made up eight with looking after her.
O, she was able to ha' made a usurer's son
Melt all his patrimony in a kiss;
And what his father in fifty years told,
To have consum'd, and yet his suit been cold.
But, O accursed palace!
Thee, when thou wert apparell'd in thy flesh,
The old duke poison'd,
Because thy purer part would not consent
Unto his palsied lust; for old men lustful
Do show like young men angry: eager, violent,
Outbid, belike, their limited performances.
O, 'ware an old man hot and vicious!
"Age, as in gold, in lust is covetous."
Vengeance, thou murder's quit-rent, and whereby
Thou show'st thyself tenant to tragedy;
O, keep thy day, hour, minute, I beseech,
For those thou hast determin'd. Hum! whoe'er knew
Murder unpaid? faith, give revenge her due,
Sh' has kept touch hitherto: be merry, merry,
Advance thee, O thou terror to fat folks!
To have their costly three-pil'd flesh worn off
As bare as this; for banquets, ease, and laughter
Can make great men, as greatness goes by clay;
But wise men little are more great than they.

Enter HIPPOLITO

HIPPOLITO
Still sighing o'er death's vizard?

VINDICE
Brother, welcome!
What comfort bring'st thou? how go things at court?

HIPPOLITO
In silk and silver, brother: never braver.

VINDICE
Puh!
Thou play'st upon my meaning. Prythee, say,
Has that bald madman, opportunity,
Yet thought upon's? speak, are we happy yet?
Thy wrongs and mine are for one scabbard fit.

HIPPOLITO
It may prove happiness.

VINDICE
What is't may prove?
Give me to taste.

HIPPOLITO
Give me your hearing, then.
You know my place at court?

VINDICE
Ay, the duke's chamber!
But 'tis a marvel thou'rt not turn'd out yet!

HIPPOLITO
Faith, I've been shov'd at; but 'twas still my hap
To hold by th' duchess' skirt: you guess at that:
Whom such a coat keeps up, can ne'er fall flat.
But to the purpose--
Last evening, predecessor unto this,
The duke's son warily inquir'd for me,
Whose pleasure I attended: he began
By policy to open and unhusk me
About the fame and common rumour:
But I had so much wit to keep my thoughts
Up in their built houses; yet afforded him
An idle satisfaction without danger.
But the whole aim and scope of his intent
Ended in this: conjuring me in private
To seek some strange-digested fellow forth,
Of ill-contented nature; either disgrac'd
In former times, or by new grooms displac'd,
Since his step-mother's nuptials; such a blood,
A man that were for evil only good--
To give you the true word, some base-coin'd pander.

VINDICE
I reach you; for I know his heat is such,
Were there as many concubines as ladies,
He would not be contain'd; he must fly out.
I wonder how ill-featur'd, vile-proportion'd,
That one should be, if she were made for woman
Whom, at the insurrection of his lust,
He would refuse for once. Heart! I think none.
Next to a skull, though more unsound than one,
Each face he meets he strongly doats upon.

HIPPOLITO
Brother, y' have truly spoke him.
He knows not you, but I will swear you know him.

VINDICE
And therefore I'll put on that knave for once,
And be a right man then, a man o' th' time;
For to be honest is not to be i' th' world.
Brother, I'll be that strange-composed fellow.

HIPPOLITO
And I'll prefer you, brother.

VINDICE
Go to, then:
The smallest advantage fattens wronged men:
It may point out occasion, if I meet her,
I'll hold her by the foretop fast enough;
Or, like the French Mole, heave up hair and all.
I have a habit that will fit it quaintly.
Here comes our mother.

HIPPOLITO
And sister.

VINDICE
We must coin:
Women are apt, you know, to take false money;
But I dare stake my soul for these two creatures,
Only excuse excepted, that they'll swallow,
Because their sex is easy in belief.

Enter GRATIANA and CASTIZA

GRATIANA
What news from court, son Carlo?

HIPPOLITO
Faith, mother,
Tis whisper'd there the duchess' youngest son
Has play'd a rape on Lord Antonio's wife.

GRATIANA
On that religious lady!

CASTIZA
Royal blood! monster, he deserves to die,
If Italy had no more hopes but he.

VINDICE
Sister, y'have sentenc'd most direct and true,
The law's a woman, and would she were you.
Mother, I must take leave of you.

GRATIANA
Leave! For what?

VINDICE
I intend speedy travel.

HIPPOLITO
That he does, madam.

GRATIANA
Speedy indeed!

VINDICE
For since my worthy father's funeral,
My life's unnatural to me, even compell'd;
As if I liv'd now, when I should be dead.

GRATIANA
Indeed, he was a worthy gentleman,
Had his estate been fellow to his mind.

VINDICE
The duke did much deject him.

GRATIANA
Much?

VINDICE
Too much:
And though disgrace oft smother'd in his spirit,
When it would mount, surely I think he died
Of discontent, the noble man's consumption.

GRATIANA
Most sure he did.

VINDICE
Did he? 'lack! you know all:
You were his midnight secretary.

GRATIANA
No,
He was too wise to trust me with his thoughts.

VINDICE
I' faith, then, father, thou wast wise indeed;
"Wives are but made to go to bed and feed."
Come, mother, sister: you'll bring me onward, brother?

HIPPOLITO
I will.

VINDICE
I'll quickly turn into another.