The Return to Innocence Lost

[Verse 1: Ursula Rucker]
Muffled sound of fist on flesh
Blows to chest, no breath, air gasps
You ain't nothing but white trash, bitch
With each hit, each kick, each broken rib, crack, crack
Bones are crying
Mommy's crying and bleeding
And pleading, and then
Daddy wants to fuck
Dick hard, swelled with power rush
And as if all that wasn't enough
Mommy's seven months heavy with birth
As Daddy grunts and cursed
Drunk nothings in her bloodied ear
First lullaby first son will ever hear
And never forget

[Verse 2: Ursula Rucker]
Mommy almost bled to death when she have him finally
She'd already lost three
Uterus bruised, shredded, and weak
From being daily beat
And Friday nights were the worst and
Daddy never came with flowers
Instead, he spent hours at some corner spot
With some bar cock named Cookie
Putting his thing down, soiling Mommy's sheets with
Sweet, talk shit
Cookie's cheap lipstick
Hair grease, sperm, and jezebel juice
To hell with the good news that
He was a father for the first time
His thirst for wine and women clouded his vision
No warm welcome for mother and son, just
The rank smell of asscrack, funk, and cum
But Mommy's prayerful strength, her best defense
She burned the dirty linens, made a fresh bed
Laid sleeping first son down and never made a sound
As she purged her scourge with birth-blood and quiet tears
Watching as her fears and love and sacrifice
Lie there in his soft skin and new life
Breathing, dreaming, fresh from God's eye
Mommy's little survivor like her

[Verse 3: Ursula Rucker]
Mommy called crazy and scorned 'cause she two more born
One boy soon after, the girl much later and
Although they were both sung the same lullabies of hate
Her first son, the first one
Whose womb-world was profaned
Came of age playing street games
With Stewie, Rezzie, and little brother
'Till his heart start to wither in pain and shame
Blamed Mom for the wrong she let Daddy do to her and him
Let sins of the father cause his innocence to wander
Found honor amongst thieves, chose to squander his dreams
Stopped believing in himself
Become prodigal with his life
Make impossible shit right with gang ties, crime, lies
Erase wise, woeful words of mother
Replace them with absurdities of others
Who had also lost their way

[Verse 4: Ursula Rucker]
Played a different kind of street game now
First son plunged deep, speak street-family vows
Espouse no causes but his own
See, he couldn't protect Mommy's neck from Daddy's grasp
Or protect Mommy's ass from Daddy's wrath
Couldn't shield her ears from
Daddy's foul-mouthed, liquor-breath jeers
His only defense served be confidence
Brown bottles housed his swift descent
Phones called cops on block frequent for his shenanigans now
Daddy and him twins in addiction
Driven to false-hearted heavens and friends by liquefied demons
Had become what he despised from conception 'til end
Destined for a demise
Survived nine lives of staying high
Conning, jewelry pawning, arrests, theft
Womanizing only for money, never for sex
Bullet in chest, baseball bat to the head, left for dead
So, eyes wide and glassy
Speech slowed and slurred
Lips twitched with caked-up codeine candy
And mouth corners, one December 24th
Mr. Hide and false friend
Took final ride to suburban supplier
Shots were fired by the gray man with shaky hand
But not shaky enough to miss
Hit lost boy in back
So-called friend runs for door
Leaves first son bloodborne
Lying alone in blood on cold floor
Death was the cost of
Returning to innocence lost
But the big story this morning
A shooting in a Warminster pharmacy results in the death of a Mount Airy man
Baby sis awake for dawn on Christmas morn to Mommy's sobs and shakes
Daddy's silhouettes of regret
All past omitted and absolved by loss
As they clung to each other
Knowing