The Queen Won’t Pay Her Taxes

Come join me, on a distant land
where rich and ...rich walk hand in hand
the beer is good, the food is bland
and The Queen won't pay her taxes

That's right, our monarch's joined the horde
who profit off of Cayman Shores
She loves this land, just... savings more
the Queen won't pay her taxes

come witness a prime minister, standing up all strident
saying Jimmy Carr is morally wrong, and then go rather silent
watch subjects start defending her, like "I'm not being funny
it's not like she's responsible, she just...gets to spend the money"
taxes are a pain, why shouldn't she evade them?
why would anybody bother her? why even make a statement?
life's a beach, the whole thing can be blamed on her advisors
stop getting sand in your Elizabeth Regina

Dig deep and help your school stay running,
cheer behind the gates in London,
mum's redundant, bring the bunting
the Queen won't pay her taxes

yes, Wave the flags
it seems we now lack doctors, midwives, council flats
they've built a poor door 'round the back
the Queen won't pay her taxes

yes diamonds, DIAMONDS, jubilee!
guess what, we're having soup for tea
don't worry how the money the money's split,
just gaffer tape that upper lip

the meat is bad, the legs are hollow
revere the past, forget tomorrow
"Opt for BrightHouse when you borrow"
our monarch's now as bright as Bono

yes, learn the handshake, step up, kneel
bow down that head, seal the deal
part head of state, part Ian Beale
The Queen won't pay her taxes

Just don't get old, or poor, or ill
unless you want to foot the bill
God Save the Queen... another mil'
the Queen won't pay her taxes

and deep within this madness poised,
her subjects acting all annoyed:
"why should the cash be in our schools, or hospitals?"
who act all bruised, like this is what the rich should do
who argue it's not even news,
it's just the way it's always been
stop being soft, who all agree
that when there's something, if it's hard
or detrimental to those in charge
it's not worth doing, just keep calm
shut your library, chuck the arts,
reduce the police out on the streets
cut council funds, just scrape and bleed
learn your place, don't make a fuss
they'd love to help you out, it's just
really bally hard though
so you'll never own your home,
just whack on Gary Barlow
and play the game, invest a few grand
is this all that you can do?

"Philip! What's this talk of food banks?"
the Queen won't pay her taxes

Oh smell the roses, feel the pride
our sickest are routinely tried
and forced to work, Some have died.
The Queen won't pay her taxes.

One in five kids grows up poor,
it's getting worse and such a bore
don't fix it, let's not care at all
just flog that ruddy horse some more
yeah choose Jafar, screw Aladdin
squeeze the empire 'til it's cracking
never question, never challenge
"Five grand's just too much for cladding"

This is Britain, this is it
where tax is for the poor or thick
the strong can take, the weak will give
oh what a world to leave our kids.