The pubic hair song

You know, I've often wondered, and I s'pose you would
Of too
What makes people 'round the world sound the way they
Do?
Their accents are all so different, though the language
Is the same
So out of curiosity I thought I'd ask some of me mates
I started with me mate the wog his name is Mario
He said, 'I don't really understand but I give 'er a
Go.'
'Eh... I got this pubic hair, she stuck on my top lip
And no matter how I move me mouth, I canna moova him
I blow 'im with me garlic breath and wif me chin out
Like this, pfft
But still that fuckin' pubic hair she stuck on my top
Lipa.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to
Despair
'That tiny, smelly, little, stinkin' fishy pubic hair'

Now Bluey Mill, he's a mate of mine and he's knocked
Around a bit
From shearin' sheds and drillin' rigs to sewers
Shovelin' shit
He's been there seen it and done it all, and sometimes
He's done it twice
And if any bloke would know it's him so I'll ask Bluey
For advice
It was one night 'round the barby, when we'd knocked
Back one or two
I said, 'Blue old son how come you sound the way you
Do?'
'Well... I've got this fuckin' pubic hair, stuck right
Up me nose
And I snort and sniff and go like this, but the bastard
Never goes
So if ya recon I sound different, that's the reason I
Suppose
This piddly fuckin' pubic hair stuck right up me nose.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to
Despair
'Like an unwelcome and unwanted orphan fanny pubic
Hair.'

I could see a pattern formin' after Mario and Blue
And I was startin' ta twig a bit why we sound the way

We do
And I was sittin' thinkin' drinkin' when me old mate
Jock walked in
And I thought now he's got a real strong accent so
Perhaps I should ask him
It'll probably cost me a couple of beers 'cause he
Won't in his kick
And I bought a beer and I asked him, I tell ya I'm
Fuckin' glad I did
'Arglglgl... got this wee little pubic hair, stuck
There on me roof
Nee matter how I roll my tongue, I can not pry it
Loose
So that's the reason laddy, that I talk the way I do
Sure would you with a pubic hair, stuck there on your
Roof.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to
Despair
'Than a wee, stringy, straight like, curly pubic hair.'

Well the pattern it was there all right, but I wasn't
Quite convinced
'Cause they're all Europeans I thought well what about
The chinks
'Cause they've got a funny way of talkin' and I'm
Pretty sure you'll agree
That they don't even look like us let alone sound like
You or me
So I went out for a Chinesse meal 'cause I really like
Their chow
And I asked the waiter and I tell ya what I'm fuckin'
Convinced now
'Hock, hark... hive got this little pubic hair, stuck
In back of froat
Hold tongue down and breath like this, but fucking
Thing won't go
That why oriental generaltamen, always say Harsow
Fucking little pubic hair stuck in back of froat.'
In this ole world there's not a thing to drive you to
Despair
'An hard to move and hard to swallow, little pubic
Hair.'

'That's right Jimmy, thats right.'
'Har thankyou, Harso.'
'I wonder if Billy Connolly has this problem?'