The Poet

I was wallowing in squalor when a note came through the mail
From a light-fingered acquaintance who'd been lingering in jail
He had served a year of sentence when the fools had set him free
And he'd had a good idea he said he'd like to put to me

I said come on then, let's have it, there's a twinkle in his eye
He says let me put it this way, have you ever wondered why
The rich have so much money when, if push should come to crunch
You can only be in one room and only eat one lunch

A cogent observation, but I didn't have the time
I presumed this exposition must be leading to a crime
He said wait a precious moment I am trying to set the scene
If you liberate your mind my friend you'll soon see what I mean

He said have you ever wondered how a horse becomes a glue?
Or how my uncle's pencil reached a garden in Peru?
And have you tried valerian, the side-effects are strange
There is no such thing as accident, for everything's arranged

I said listen friend your time inside has clearly flipped your mind
These are merely hypotheticals I haven't got the time
If it's blackmailing on Snapchat or a hold-up count on me
But this claptrap that you're spouting now just sounds like poetry

Do not be so narrow-minded, my erstwhile accomplice trilled
I've had lots of time for poetry it's left me rather thrilled
I've been reading the New York School: Frank O'Hara, Kenneth Koch
And they've given me more pleasure than a thousand dirty jokes

Well he's published by Macmillan now, he got a big advance
Which he spent on buying a farmhouse in a pleasant part of France
His first book won a Pulitzer, he's up for a Nobel
They say you can't change human nature but he's doing rather well