The Phonecall

[Dialing]
Bob: Can't believe this
I'm gonna kill this motherfucker
[Sigh]
[Phone ringing]

Jake: Hello

Bob: Hello, Jake

Jake: Uh, hi, there, Bob. How's it going?

Bob: Well, I'm just fan-fucking-tastic, Jake. How are you?

Jake: Oh, you know, can't complain

Bob: That's just fucking great
Hey, I just spoke with my neighbor who lives across the street
And he told me that you came by my house today while I was at work

Jake: Oh, uh... yeah, yeah, I just popped in there for a few minutes

Bon: A few minutes? My neighbour says it was more like three hours
So what could've you been possible doing alone with my wife, in my house for three hours?

Jake: Oh, no, no, no, look Bob, I, uh...

Bob: 'Cause you see, a guy like me can get suspicious

Jake: Listen, huh... I can explain everything, I, uh—

Bob: Oh, I want you to explain

Jake: It's not what you think, uh, I...

Bob: Well, please, Jake, enlighten me, 'cause I'm really fucking curious to know what you were doing

Jake: Look, it's, it's nothing. It's, it's stupid, really. I, uh, I went over to your house, around one o'clock

Bob: Uh-huh

Jake: And I fucked your wife
And then I left

Bob: Really?

Jake: Really, I swear. I went over, I fucked her for a while, and
After we both came, I, I just went home

Bob: Is my name Forrest Gump, Jake?

Jake: Uh, what?

Bob: Answer the fucking question! Is my name Forrest Gump?!

Jake: Oh, well, no

Bob: So why are you treating me like I'm a fucking retard?
You expect me to believe that you were in my house for three hours and all you did was fuck my wife?!

Jake: Uh, listen, I, I came over, she, she blew me there, uh, for a while

Bob: Uh-huh

Jake: I, I came

Bob: Mm-hmm

Jake: Uh, so, so we, we had to wait a bit
Then, uh, then, then we had sex in the kitchen, for a while, then we had sex, uh, i-in the living room...

Bob: You're fucking lying to me, and I really don't like it, Jake!
You were in my house for three hours!

Jake: No, it's not, uh, we, we, you see, we had sex a, a few times
And then she wanted more
She said she was really wet and feeling dirty and she wants more than one cock inside of her

Bob: Huh

Jake: So we, we, we called your brother to see if he wanted to come over and get in on the action, and, and he, he, he said "Yes!", so we waited around for him for about an hour
That's, that's why it took so long

Bob: Hmm... my brother?

Jake: Mm-hmm

Bob: You and my brother double-teamed my wife?

Jake: Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, we gave it to her, boy, in every hole

Bob: Huh, see, that's funny, 'cause my brother's in Miami this week, Jake
I find it hard to believe that my brother flew all the way out here from Miami, to double-team my wife with you

Jake: I, well, uh...

Bob: And you know what the funny thing is? The faucet in my kitchen's been leaking for three months now
And suddenly today, of all days, it decided to stop leaking

Jake: Uh, oh, oh

Bob: I'm gonna give you one last chance to answer the question
And if you lie, I guarantee you, you're gonna regret it
What where you doing in my house today?

J:ale I'm, I'm sorry. Your, your wife called me, and, and I didn't, I didn't, I...

Bob: Answer the fucking question!

Jake: Your wife wanted me to fix the faucet, 'cause she couldn't stand the dripping noise anymore
I didn't want to do it, but she begged me!

Bob: And what did you do?!

Jake: I fixed it. I fixed the facet. I'm sorry!

Bob: You motherfucking, cock-sucking piece of shit, you fucking fix my facet, you backstabbing fuck!
I'm gonna fix your face, you hear me?!

Jake: [Crying]

Bob: I'm gonna fix your fucking face
And I'm never gonna fuck your wife again that's for sure
Last night was the last time!

Jake: No, no, please don't do this

Bob: Never again!
[Phone clicks]