The Pain Of My Life

I’m in between a loving family and a government that hates me and the passing of friends and the negative energy and I’m scared if it all ending scared of getting left alone and scares of being surrounded by lax lovers and I’m scared of cellphones

Making apologies to everyone I love, because I’m always getting mad at them for things they can’t control. And even though, I wanna change, I don’t think I can. Cause’ my fucking schizophrenia likes to eat me whole

And I don’t wanna be a addict anymore, but every time I wake I think of what I was before. A hapless fucking loser with no money and no pain, because my pain receptors died with the downers in my brain

It’s unfortunate, fortunate that I sometimes can’t feel that the love you give me sometimes doesn’t feel real, the panic and the anxiety stuck to my body, cauterizing wounds that used to keep me sobbing, and now I just can’t cry anymore, and it really isn’t a good thing for these feelings that I sort of relieved unread

Am I happy, I’m trying to be happy, I want to be happy again. Am I happy, I’m trying to be happy, I want to be happy again. Am I happy, trying to be happy, I want to be happy again

I don’t wanna feel empty anymore, reminders of my illness every time I leave the door, a voice inside my head that tells me I’m disgusting, if I just ignore it that then it ends the discussion

I don’t wanna be addict anymore, but every time I wake I think of what I was before, a hapless fucking loser with no money and no pain, because the pain receptors died in the downers in my brain