The “Nice Guy” Ballad

[Intro]
Hello, no one is available to take your call
Please leave a message after the tone *beep*
You're a fucking bitch, Sarah, I swear to God
I'm gonna find you, and– *beep*
Hey Sarah, I just wanted to say sorry for my last message
I'm just a little angry at the moment, 'cause it's
Y'know, I'm such a nice guy and you seem to only date scumbags
I just wanted to make sure there's no hard feelings between us
Please, please can you unblock me on MSN Messenger? *beep*

[Verse 1]
M'lady
Can you hear me?
Please don't block my number again
Look, I've jumped through all your hoops
We got off on the wrong foot
But I want to prove to you
That I'm not obsessed with sex

[Verse 2]
Left on seen
Another visit to your Facebook gallery
This time not to masturbate
But instead, to appreciate
Something no man could do as well as I can
Something that shouldn't be for free
Because I'm the only guy for you
And you're the only girl for me

[Chorus]
So why won't you
Show me your tits?

[Verse 3]
That restraining order
Was a bit far
All I did was attach a tracker onto your car
It's not a felony
It's not even a crime
I just wanted to make sure
You weren't seeing any black guys

[Verse 4]
Who am I kidding?
A girl as pure as you
Would never go for a man like me
Because you are what reality is made of
Even the part that's gritty

[Chorus]
So why won't you
Show me your tits?
Consensually
(I'm a gentleman, what can I say? I'm also really mentally stable)

[Bridge]
I'm gonna kill myself
If you don't go out with me
I mean, it's a stretch
But blood is my dichotomy
I mean, come on
I wrote you a fucking song
I wouldn't have done that if you weren't an attractive woman
(Not… not that you're just a woman to me. I mean I'm a really sensitive guy. I can... I can see below the skin)

[Chorus]
So why won't you
Show me your tits?

[Outro]
This isn't where it ends
We all make our mistakes
And the world will keep on turning
But it turns a lot slower
When you're not around
I'll settle for a picture of your feet