The New Professor

Ok, class, settle down. I'd like to introduce you to your new teacher. His name is Mr. K
Mr. K, would you like to tell the class about yourself?

I’m your new professor
I've improved the lesser message of your clueless testers
They've been removed, I am the new successor
The first assignment that I’ll burst your mind with is to break the earth's alignment
Find six different time zones and reverse the climate
Of course I'll time it within the glass where the sand particles pass
That's ten books that you must read by the end of class
This is the only way to teach you right and make you see the light
And I forgot to mention you have to read each one twice
No pens allowed in this assembly
Complex math and chemistry must instantly be committed to memory
And after you complete your twenty reads, focus your deep internal energy
Then learn to speak the language of the centipedes
No need to call you to the floor, what would you have to walk for?
I brought a self-erasing, levitating chalkboard
Every lesson is taught at Mach 4
Even the clock stops to watch your body as it learns to float through locked doors
Many fall from stress long before they acquiesce
‘cause it's hard to pass the test without cardiac arrest
Your brain use amount is tiny, 10 percent or less
But if someone reminds me, I'll help you access the other 90
We'll studying making seconds moment-less
I'll need a five page essay describing future inventions that don’t exist
And after that, you’ll have to try and top it
Hope your mind can process bringing in a real volcano as a science project
The more progression, the deeper the lessons
Ninety multiple choice options on each of the questions
I'll teach you to build things without reading directions
My standards so high that I’ll punish you for reaching perfection
And once I broke the spell, all of you will learn to read unopened mail
And bring a thing that can't be shown or told about to show and tell
Before we scratch the surface, I'll just test a person first
And every thirty seconds, blurt a whole semester's worth of work
The consequence for bad behavior is wrenching
Sending you to detention in an evil, wicked dimension
And even though it’s only minutes, the time seems like a thousand ages
So many courses, the report cards are a thousand pages
Each slide of history recited in its chronology
Unabridged dictionaries, every word's etymology
The Iliad and The Odyssey, you'll judge them with mockery
You'll even see the blue object that floats over the top of me
My classroom is an abnormal regime
Homework is rubbed into your forehead in the form of a cream
And no matter what you do, don't ever touch this bright folder
If you miss one day of class, I'll start your whole life over
Then at recess, we play with gamma rays on average days
Ten millenniums of curriculum all on half a page
And every mind in here, I'm linkin' ‘em
Which means you never have to raise your hands
You ask me questions by thinkin' ‘em
Increments of time I'll wrinkle ‘em
And teach you how to carry galaxies in your book bags by shrinkin' ‘em
You will see me as ugly, I don't need you to love me
Life or death pop quizzes on subjects that we didn't study
I'm sure you notice several older people here in the class
There's students from my former school who haven't managed to pass
They've been with me since they were young, each class and each stage
‘cause one of the courses that they kept failing was mastering age
You'll have to learn to see through people's minds like x-rays do
And if you somehow pass the class, I'll teach the next grade too
So with that said, my preamble is through, pleasure to meet'cha
By the way, I'm Mr. K, your new second grade teacher