The Mountie Song

When I was a kid I wanted to grow up and be cop in a province town or county
I thought it would be great if someday I could only ever be a mountie
I wanted to beat up crooks and make arrests because that's part of the profession
But now I sit on my horse and tell American tourists the Parliament's in session
I really don't look good in red and my stupid hat flies off my head in every parade
I'm young and strong and have no fear but now I'm spending my career in motorcades

I wanna enforce the law, I wanna wear normal clothes
I don't wanna have to smile for a diplomats' home videos
I'm good at working real hard, I should have joined the coast guard
Oh no, the RCMP
Is not the life for me

I used to think that a mountie had to be honest, loyal, humble, strong and thrifty
But even though we don't break ranks, we get no thanks, they took us off the fifty (dollar bill)
On Sussex Drive in hallowed halls we act like guards in shopping malls, it's such a pain
Like someone's plotting the assassination of the Minister of Sports and Recreation, oh that's insane
Sometimes I just want to puke on Sergeant Preston of the Yukon, Dudley Do-Right's such a jerk (Damn you, Snidely)
And though he tries with all his heart, my horse couldn't catch a golfing cart, some days I hate to go to work

I wanna enforce the law, I wanna wear normal clothes
I don't wanna have to smile for a diplomats' home videos
I'm good at working real hard, I should have joined the coast guard
Oh no, the RCMP
Is not the life for me

(Hey, hey, mountie... where's your man? Haven't you got him yet?)
(Can you take my picture?)
(Is your horse french?)
(What's you favourite episode of the forest rangers?)
(And why don't you ride a cow?)
(What state are we in?)
(Can you validate my parking?)
(How come there's two Rough Riders?)

I wanna enforce the law, I wanna wear normal clothes
I don't wanna have to smile for a diplomats' home videos
I'm good at working real hard, I should have joined the coast guard
Oh no, the RCMP
Is not the life for me

Oh, no, it's not the life for me
Oh, no, it's not the life for me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me, m-m-me
Not me in the RCMP
RCMP