The Morning After Voicemail

[Voicemail Voice]
New messages...

[Diddy]
Yo, Kells, this is Puff man.
Ay yo, what the fuck did y'all do to my crib last night, man?!
Yo, I lent you the keys for 24 fucking hours, cause y'all mother-fucking niggas got kicked out of all the hotels on the east coast.
I'm tryna to be a hospitable motherfucker, I lend y'all the keys I come back to my house me and my chick and there ain't no mother-fucking front door, man!
What the fuck did y'all do with the front door, man!?
Then I walk in the house, me and her we thirsty, been out all day, want some mother-fucking Cîroc, y'all niggas drink up all the Cîroc.
You got empty Cîroc bottles in my shit.
At least throw the shits in the garbage, and then this is what takes the cake:
When I was showing you the crib, you know I told you about my mother-fucking Corinthian white-leather couch that cost me seventy-five thousand dollars from Florence, Italy.
Y'all mother fuckers done tagged it up with a magic marker saying "Laced Up"!
I don't know where the fuck y'all think y'all at, y'all like some barbaric Cleveland niggas, man.
Y'all just gotta have a little bit of class and pay some respect, this Corinthian leather from Florence!
Somebody done wrote "Laced Up" on that shit, the only thing that's about to be laced up is my foot up one of your motherfucker's asses!
I'm madder than a motherfucker and I will be deducting this Corinthian save...

[Voicemail Voice]
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New messages...

[Diddy]
Yeah, and don't think you're getting away with that shit if I can't get this magic marker out of my seventy-five thousand-dollar white Corinthian imported-from-Florence couch.
I will be making sure that shit is recoupable motherfucker, but for real the only thing I'm really mad about is if y'all motherfuckers was gonna be raging this hard, you could have gave a nigga a mother-fucking heads-up!
So I could have stayed and raged wit you cause if that's surely the way you rage, I can't wait till I borrow your house, I'm gonna burn that motherfucker down, man!
I'm proud of y'all motherfuckers, for real, this is some real fly shit, y'all have totally fucked my house up!
Lace Up, bitch!
Bad Boy!
EST!
Hey yo motherfucker, bring my front door back.

[Voicemail Voice]
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