The Man I’ve Always Been

Honestly, I've been a couple people
No one that I'd want to be again
I've dressed up like a husband
I've witnessed like a preacher
But maybe this is who I've always been

I decided that I couldn't go on pretending
Couldn't face those faces or the scene
Looking up with pleading eyes
All of them so terrified
But none of them as terrified as me

There's men that wanna lead you into battle
There's men that wanna hold you down in bed
When I finally left Seattle
I was haunted by the needle
That city always held above my head

Honestly, I've been a couple people
But no one that I'd want to be again
Been a soldier and a priest
A teacher and a thief
Maybe this is who I've always been

The guy who's trying not to cry
In the supermarket aisle
Confused why there's so many types of juice
The guy who's trying not to cry
Overwhelmed and overtired
Lately it's just hard for me to choose

I know I chose to bring you to the altar
I know I chose the place to build our church
But the parts that I was sure about
Were weakened by the debt and doubt
The weakness turned to something even worse

Honestly, I've been a couple people
But no one that I'd want to be again
Disguises, masks and uniforms
None of them felt fully formed
This is probably who I've always been

I've done a lot of different things
Said our vows, gave you a ring
This is probably who I've always been
This is probably who I've always been