The Ladies Who Lunch

[JOANNE, spoken]
I'd like to propose a toast.

(sung)
Here's to the ladies who lunch—
Everybody laugh—
Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch
On their own behalf

Off to the gym
Then to a fitting
Claiming they're fat
And looking grim
'Cause they've been sitting
Choosing a hat

(spoken)
Does anyone still wear a hat?

(sung)
I'll drink to that

Here's to the girls who stay smart—
Aren't they a gas?
Rushing to their classes in optical art
Wishing it would pass

Another long exhausting day
Another thousand dollars
A matinee, a Pinter play
Perhaps a piece of Mahler's—
I'll drink to that

(spoken)
And one for Mahler!

(sung)
Here's to the girls who play wifе—
Aren't they too much?
Keeping house but clutching a copy of Lifе
Just to keep in touch

The ones who follow the rules
And meet themselves at the schools
Too busy to know that they're fools—
Aren't they a gem?
I'll drink to them!
Let's all drink to them!

And here's to the girls who just watch—
Aren't they the best?
When they get depressed, it's a bottle of Scotch
Plus a little jest

Another chance to disapprove
Another brilliant zinger
Another reason not to move
Another vodka stinger—

(spoken)
Ah, I'll drink to that

So here's to the girls on the go—
Everybody tries
Look into their eyes
And you'll see what they know:
Everybody dies

A toast to that invincible bunch
The dinosaurs surviving the crunch—
Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch!
Everybody rise! Rise!
Rise!