The Jack Ash Society

This song really should be prefaced with the observation of a newspaper editor I met once. He said, "The John Birch Society really should be called the Jack Ash Society!"

A bunch of Jack Ash-ites from Belmont, Mass
Have suffered a terrible fright:
They looked under their beds and discovered such reds
As Allen and Milton and Dwight

If more you would know of this Jack Ash credo
See the Blue Book, the Black Book, the White
If you do you will find wе're all Reds of some kind
Likе Allen and Milton and Dwight

Joe McCarthy is dead
So Jack Ash instead
Leads the anti-Communist fight
U. S. Reds he has found
Swarming all around
(Some 179 million so far!)
Including Allen and Milton and Dwight

If you believe in more hospitals, housing, and schools
New highways and civil rights
The Ash-ites will add you to the un-American list
Along with Allen and Milton and Dwight

Social Security's a Bolshevik plot
Cooked up by some shrewd Muscovite
So go naked you must or be a security risk
Like Allen and Milton and Dwight

Beware of good pay and the minimum wage;
It's part of the Socialist blight
Created by conspirators bold
Like Allen and Milton and Dwight!

Unemployment insurance is another Red trick
That slipped by in the dark of the night
So send back your checks lest you share the fate
Of Allen and Milton and Dwight

These Jack Ashes are drawing the lunatic fringe
Assembling on the right
Barry's their man
He has no pinkish tan
Like Allen and Milton and Dwight

There 's a man sitting on the Un-American Committee
He's a Jack Ash Society-ite
I wonder what day he will send out a subpoena
To Allen and Milton and Dwight?

The Jack Ashes say that in World War II
We should have joined with the Third Reich;
Adolf can pass their loyalty test
But not Allen nor Milton nor Dwight

They want to prepare for a nuclear war
Kill everything human in sight
And if you'd rather live, you're a Communist dupe
Like Allen and Milton and Dwight

So all the Jack Ashes should take some advice:
Wake up and start seeing the light!
Their Führer may find they are Red agents too
Like Allen and Milton and Dwight

Now some good songs, and few bad ones, have a moral, and here's the moral of this one:

Now a candy bar's sweet
Milk chocolate's a treat
But ponder before you bite:
The worms hiding inside
May shrivel your hide
Like Allen and Milton and Dwight