The Incident

[Intro]
Oi, oi, stop, come back, you

[Verse 1]
I was instrumental in creating the company
A founding father of the movement, some say
Had a hundred youngsters under my guidance at any one time
Willing to learn, eager to please
And salaried with the implicit threat of instant dismissal
Oi, I'm warning you

All legal mind, hey
Meager scraps for tender prey
But everybody gotta learn sometime and you learn that the hard way
In the bustling hive of activity known as my, as my holy global enterprise

[Chorus]
We've created rules that you can't find in the book
A different type of prison for a brand-new type of crook

[Verse 2]
Hey, feed me, my mind is greedy, massage my ego
And read to me, slow stories from my youth
Just like the Beano, colonial overtones, I know, but so what
I like the plot and the way the colours pop from the page
Don't have to justify my rage
Being a hypocrite does not devalue the merit of the accusations made
Everybody's got dirt on everybody else in this day and age, mind
Come back you little bastard
What've you got in your pockets?
Empty your pockets out

[Verse 3]
I look good, dead good, too good, good for my age
But if I'm not on the receiving end of never-ending compliments
My thinking implement is bound to be, in a constant state of discontent
And I'm hellbent on expanding my heaven-sent empire, ethically
But not at my own expense, no
Peaking through the hole in the neighbour's fence
It all looks pretty good

Just don't look under the hood
The engine is completely caked in snake oil and old mud
I need something new to perk me up, because
If I'm not pumped up, I'm impotent
I'm dead wood, I'm dead wood
And we don't want a repeat of the same thing happening again
I want to be relevant, I don't want to be a dud

[Chorus]
We've created rules that you can't find in the book
A different type of prison for a brand-new type of crook
Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence
Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant

We've created rules that you can't find in the book
A different type of prison for a brand-new type of crook
Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence
Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant

[Post-Chorus]
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
(Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence)
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
(Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant)
I'm irrelevant

[Intro]
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant