The Hip Song (It Does Not Pay to Be Hip)

[Intro]
Oh, yeah
Well, for a long time now I've been aware
That I'm so hip the rest of the world is square
Now, I'll tell all you people and just take my tip
It doesn't pay to be too hip

[Verse 1]
Now, yesterday I found myself sort of in the red
With no immediate way to meet my overhead
Well, I went up to my buddy
And I asked him for some bread
Here's what he said
He said, "Sure, you want white bread, or rye bread, or pumpernickle
Or whole wheat, cracked wheat, bagels, challah or bialy"?
Well, I said, "Later"
He said, "2:30, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30?" Heh
I said, "No, like later, baby"
"Oh, you mean next week"?
Well, I said, "Let's forget it"

[Verse 2]
Well, I went on uptown to see a man
Heard he had a little stuff on hand
I said, "Tell me, baby, can you spare some pot"?
He said, "You're welcome, man to anything that I got
I got steel pots, aluminum pots, castiron, brass and pewter"
I said, "No, no, cool it"
"You mean put it in the refrigerator"?
"No, no, I mean like, you know, cool it"
"You mean turn on the air conditioning"?
"Well, that wasn't exactly what I had in mind either"

[Verse 3]
Well, I was getting real uptight and sort of brought down
There was nobody hip in your whole damn town
And then I met this chick, and she was long and tall
And I asked her, you know, if she'd care to have a ball
"She says football, or baseball, or volleyball, or handball
Or pinball, or soccer"?
I said, "You putting me on"?
She says, "The train, on the bus, or the plane, or the subway"?
I said, "No, I just wanna make it"
"Make what"?
"Well, a scene, I wanna make a scene"
"Shakespeare, Clifford Odets, Arthur Miller, Pirandello"?
Uh, well, what do you do, but say, "Forget it"

[Outro]
And then she said, "Well, you know what I'd like to do"?
"Uh, no, what"?
"Well, I'd like to make love to you"
"Well, go, baby, go"!
And I leaned back, and I closed my eyes
And she left