The Hero of My Story (Comfortable Doug)

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
This is the story of Comfortable Doug
Hero of his own life, rhyme and verse
And now, he can talk about himself in the third person
Come forth and give love, to Com-for-table Doug
(That's me)

[COMFORTABLE DOUG]
When I look back upon the story of my life (Life!)
I find I'm not the hero - I'm the best supporting actor (Actor!)
I never found a husband or a wife (Wife!)
Never found a thing to love, or something to go after (After!)
My life it was no fairytale, as a nightguard in the Moletaur jail (Jail!)

But then I came above ground, to feel the sun (So bright!)
And I won the sash in Johnny Teatime's Be Best Competiton (First place!)
I can't return to prison life (Unh-huh)
With the earthworms and the bugs (So nasty!)
I'm the hero of my story now; I'm Comfortable Doug

I'm Comfortable Doug, Comfortable Doug
I'm Comfortable, Comfortable, Comfortable Doug

[COMFORTABLE DOUG & ENSEMBLE]
I'm Comfortable Doug, Comfortable Doug
I'm Comfortable, Comfortable, Comfortable Doug
(ensemble repeats through spoken segment)

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
Yes, you know, I've always been called Comfortable Doug
Because... that's my name
But recently I BECAME Comfortable Doug
And I want to share with you all
That you could be Comfortable as well. Just ask the Glitter Cats-
Glitter Cats-?

[GLITTER CATS, spoken]
Yes?

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
Are you comfortable?

[GLITTER CATS, spoken]
Yes, we're comfortable

[WAMMAWINK, spoken]
What are they doing here?
Doug! We're trying to have some alone-time with Horse before -

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
Or just ask... Sunfish Merguy!
Sunfish Merguy!

[SUNFISH MERGUY, spoken]
Yeah?

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
Are you comfortable?

[SUNFISH MERGUY, spoken]
Yeah, fairly comfortable, thanks

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
Or just ask Gebbrey
Gebbrey-

[GEBBREY, spoken]
Uh-huh?

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
I know life is hard as a veg-a-table
But are you com-for-table?

[GEBBREY, spoken]
I'm not a vegetable. I'm a tree
And I'm not comfortable - I'm cold!

[COMFORTABLE DOUG, spoken]
Well, if you had a jacket you would be, otherwise?
Okay, look, don't get weird on me with details
My point is, none of us are comfortable
Until we are all comfortable

And I'm...

[COMFORTABLE DOUG & ENSEMBLE]
Comfortable, Comfortable, Comfortable Doug (Yeah-eah!)
Comfortable Doug, Comfortable Doug (Woo-hoo!)
Comfortable, Comfortable, Comfortable Doug

[COMFORTABLE DOUG]
Ya!

[GLENDALE, spoken]
That is one real banger, Comfortable Doug-las!