The Guy Who Came Up With The Ball

Flashbulbs were going off
As the batter approached the plate
They had to replace the balls
With ones they could authenticate
Everyone knew it was gone
One swing was all it took
The batter stood and admired it
The pitcher didn’t even look

The guy who came up with the ball
The one on the bottom of the pile
Was missing a couple of teeth
From his million dollar smile
He was sporting two black eyes
He was missing most of an ear
His shirt was torn & tattered
And his hair was soaked with beer

Going, going, gone
Oughtta make a nice souvenir
But you can kiss that baby goodbye
That ball is outta here

Security led him away
They pretty well saved his skin
There was a doctor in the house
Put some stitches in his chin
The ball would pass the test
Under ultraviolet light
There was the asterisk
That was the ball alright

The guy who came up with the ball
Was famous for 3 or 4 days
Everyone wanted a piece of him
Everyone knew his face
Letterman wanted him on
So did Oprah and Conan O’Brien
The White House receptionist phoned to say
The President was on the line

Going, going, gone
Oughtta make a nice souvenir
But you can kiss that baby goodbye
That ball is outta here

The guy who came up with the ball
Heard from the IRS
They wanted their half a million
And not one penny less
“Going once, going twice…
Sold” said the auctioneer
But who can say what it’s worth
Except maybe the price of an ear

The guy who acquired the ball
Couldn’t tell you which was which
A fast ball from a change up
He was just filthy rich
His boy took it to school
His boy won show & tell
But the son of the guy who came up with the ball
Wished his dad didn’t have to sell

Going, going, gone
Should’ve made a nice souvenir
But you can kiss that baby goodbye
That ball is outta here