The Greatest Liar

[Intro]
Now ladies and gentlemen, we present for your entertainment tonight down in the Starlight Hotel, all the way from New Orleans "King Hokum"

[Monologue]
Folks, I wanna tell you tonight about the World's greatest Liar
That's right, the greatest that liar ever was, will be, has been, can a been (And jelly bean)
Name of this this fella is Samuel, Jacob, Jackson, Jeremiah, Johnson
Any name that be fittin' his present situation
(Uh, usually a situation be presently fittin' him, pair a handcuffs, and leg irons)
Yes, yes quieten down please, quiet down
Now, I'm gonna refrain from usin' this man's name here tonight
To conceal, to conceal the fact of his true identity - which is unknown to me
Now Samuel was born early one mornin, I tell you
There was many important folks there to witness his birth, who was they?
(I don't know)
Well, what I've learned, through years of investigation, misinformation, and inebriation
Is that that great liar was born to rich, but honest parents, who both died when he was only 12 years old
My heart goes out to him, It was a blow he suffered again, with their passin', uh, in the street, eleven years later
As an orphan, Samuel was subject to the most savage beatin's, at the hands of the very folks
Into whose homes he was sent for the sole purpose, of burglary
Now, while servin' in the Armed Forces
Samuel Jacob Jehosophat Jellyroll Johnson
Was wounded at the battle of Hastings, that was back round ten sixty six, uh, in the mornin'
After which he was discharged with the high distinction of never havin' enlisted
The memories of war scarred Samuel the rest of his life, because he remembered nothing
And though he often raised toasts to his fallen, bank balances
He never taken a drink of liquor the rest of his life - that he paid for

[Outro]
That's right Ladies and Gentlemen, only the best blues, hokum, and Jungle music down in the Starlight Hotel, every night