The Gnome

This is a story of a low down gnome
Whose village was invaded by shmitmar-welding goblins
His wife and children and cousins and pets were all cut into little smitheroons

He fled and he ran and he sweated and he swam, escaping the ████ that's chasing him down
With a frown from his Norwood 3 from his crown

He found a new cave with dial-up too
And started a life anew

He went on the forums, bodybuilding.com, to find a cure for his PTSD
But all he got were compliments about his cock and large upper back

He cried and he cried and he lied and he lied
He fried and he fried some nice apple pie

Then finally arrived on his doormat of old
The scary invaders covered in mold

They laughed at him because they invaded his village
And pointed at his Norwood 3
Which has progressed into a Norwood 6
'Cause of the stress

He finally had enough and sprayed Rogain in their eyes
They cried and they cried and accidentally drank his minoxidil that was save for later

They all died and it turns out the gnome's full name was Niall Murray