The False Cap’n (Blue version)

I trusted a very good friend with my ships
I presumed he would not take them adrift
But I've just learned they've been spotted washed ashore
And my ship will lay broken forevermore

Captain Crunch is not a real captain
Captain Crunch is not a real captain

“He's a liar - he’s a fraud. Disgrace to all of mankind. Living reincarnation of pond scum. Cap'n Crunch. The false Cap'n.”

He explained it was merely a nickname of his
So I don't really need to get up in his biz
I got up and punched that liar in the nose
We no longer speak, this happened 30 years ago

Captain Crunch is not a real captain
Captain Crunch is not a real captain

Don't even get me started on Applebee's
They don't have any bees, let alone apples
Who does this "burger king" really think he is?
Who's he think he is?

Captain Crunch is not a real captain
Captain Crunch is not a real captain