​the entire kansas city breath mints team failed the bar exam

[Verse 1]
The Kansas City Breath Mints team is hard to describe
The game they play is quite bizarre
And no one knows their vibes
Some say Marco Stink likes seeds
Or Lenny Spruce is a tree
Maybe Rod wears cat ears
And Oscar has a degree (in teeth)

[Pre-Chorus]
Helga's truck is in a ditch
And Hewitt likes to eat the rich
But there's one thing that always stays the same

[Chorus]
They failed the bar, that's just who they are
They failed the bar, with the lowest score by far
None of them can practice law
They'll never see a day in court
'Cause the Breath Mints team, collectively
Failed the bar
(Seriously, what are they doing?)

[Verse 2]
Twooney pitches from the moon
Or somewhere deep in space
Grey went off to miming school
And learned to steal third base
Leach lives in a parking lot
Of an abandoned corner store
Drinks expired Red Bull from the floor

[Pre-Chorus]
They stole the test from a college class
Sat criss-cross on the meadow grass
Betmint checked the scores
Then he stood up to announce

[Chorus]
They failed the bar, thought they'd do just fine
But they failed the bar, multiple times
None of them can practice law
They'll never see a day in court
'Cause the Breath Mints team, collectively
Failed the bar

[Breakdown (Spoken)]
"Wait, hold on, this makes no sense. The entire team?"
"Yes, the entire team failed the bar exam."
"Even Jessica Telephone?"
"That's complicated, but yes. Even Jessica Telephone
Look, in order to play on the team, you *have* to fail the bar exam, and if you don't understand that at this point, I don't know what else to tell you."

[Chorus]
They failed the bar, that's just who they are
They failed the bar, with the lowest score by far
None of them can practice law
They'll never see a day in court
'Cause the Breath Mints team, collectively
Failed the bar