The Chamber of Secrets

[Verse - Ayo Cheetah, goodboy noah]
So Harry's back to living with the Dursleys for the summer
And since they hate his magical a**, it's been a bummer
One night they're having a dinner party and make Harry stay out of sight
And then this little elf appears with a crack in the night
(Like a Keebler Elf?) Naw, he's more like a slave
His name is Dobby, and he's trying to keep Harry away
From going back to Hogwarts 'cause he says he's in danger
But Harry's like, "F*** that! Why you being a hater?"
And Dobby's like, "Aight, bet," and uses magic to drop a cake right on one of the dinner guest's head's (Oh No!)
Yеah, and it looked like Harry did it
So they barrеd up his windows until one night, he got a visit
From Ron, Fred, and George "muthaf***in'" Weasley
They ripped the bars off his window while he was sleeping
(How did they do it?) With a flying car
That they stole from their dad, man it wasn't that hard
So they took him to their house with the rest of their family
And then they took a trip down to Diagon Alley
For a bit of back-to-school shopping
They dropped in the bookstore; Man, that sh** was f***in' poppin'
With witches and wizards all waiting in line
To see Gilderoy Lockhart and get their book signed
(Who's that?) This wack a** celebrity wizard
And the new Defense against the Dark Arts professor (Okay)
And as they getting ready to dip
Harry gets stopped by a cane that looks like it came from a pimp
But it wasn't a pimp, it was Draco's dad
Lucius Malfoy (Ohh, he sounds bad)
Yeah, but he's just following orders
Cut to everyone back on platform 9 and 3/4
They going through the bricks 'til only Ron and Harry remain
But they can't get through it, so they end up missing the train
(So how do they get to school?)
They go and steal the flying car again (Man, that's so cool)
Yeah, until they get to the luscious school grounds
Where the flying a** cars starts sputtering out
And they crash into a tree with the personality of Hul Hogan circa 1993 (*gasp*)
Yeah, the tree's really beating their a**
Which results in Ron's wand breaking in half
And needless to say, they get in all kinds of trouble
With professors Snap and McGonagall
So all eyes are on 'em as they start Year 2
Then one day, while Harry's walking around the school
He starts hearing a voice nobody else can hear
Talking about killin' fools, Harry's like, "That's weird."
Then one night, the gang stumbles upon a flood
And sees words on the wall that were written in blood
(What did they say?) Somebody opened the Chamber of Secrets
Then Mr.Flich arrived, and that's when sh** got heated
When he saw his cat was petrified, stiff as a board
And everybody was blaming Harry, but Harry implored
He's like, "Come on, y'all, you know it's all one love,"
And then Professor Lockhart starts a dueling club (Cool)
So everybody starts dueling and sh**
And it's Harry vs Draco, his nemesis
And Draco makes a snake appear
Which then turn turns towards a f***in' Hufflepuff second year (*gasp*)
And Harry's like, "Nuh-uh, son,"
But doesn't realize he's speaking to the snake in Parseltongue
(What's that?) It's the language of snakes
And anybody who speaks it is most likely related
To Salazar Slytherin, the guy who created
The Chamber of Secrets, so Harry is hated
Even more than before 'cause they think he's the heir
Of Slytherin, he says he isn't, but nobody cares
(Man, Harry's so misunderstood.)
(He's gonna clear his name, I bet, Cheetah, what happens next?)
Slow your roll, lil' bro; things get much worse
Some students get petrified, and they're saying Harry's the perp
But Harry, Ron, and Harmonie are convinced it's Draco
They hatched a plan to catch him, to the bathroom they go
(Do they have to take a poo?)
Naw man, they gotta whip up a magic potion called Polyjuice
(What's that?) It's a transformation elixir
All you need is to put somebody's hair in the mixture
And if you drink it up, you're gonna look like them
So Harry and Ron turn into Draco's ugly best friends
But Hermonie's like, "F***, I turn into a cat
I must've took the wrong hair off that Slytherin b****'s back."
So the boys go without her to continue the mission
To find Draco and get a confession
But he was like, "Naw, I ain't do that, bro
I heard the camber was open 50 years ago."
And they were like, "That's crazy," and he was like, "I know,"
That's when a beast was unleashed, and it killed some h**(*gasp*)
So after they accused all this information
And Hermione recovered from her transformation
They saw that the bathroom where they made the potion was flooded
Oh sh**, I forgot to mention the ghost in it
Her name's Moaning Myrtle, man that b**** was annoying
Always crying in the bathroom, so the students avoid it(Got it)
So anyway, it's all flooded, right
Cause there's a little black diary clogging the pipes
So Harry takes it back to his room and looks inside it
Sees the pages are blank, and he decides that he's gotta write in it
So he says, "What's poppin'?"
And the book's like, "Yo, I'm Tom Riddle. Let's hop in one of my memories,"
And he sees the commotion that was caused the last time the chamber was opened
(Is this the time Draco was talking about?) Yeah, they blamed Hagrid and kicked his a** out (What?)
Yeah, you know he's got a penchant for beasts
So they assumed that he was the one who unleashed it
And Harry was like, "Damn, could it really be Hagrid?"
Then he hears that voice again before a Quidditch match
And then Hermione's like, "Yo, I think I got an idea of the kind of monster causing all this terror and fear."
So she goes to the library without the guys
And on her way back, she gets petrified
(Oh my gosh, Cheetah, don't tell me that the monster got Hermione!)
Now they really gotta know who done it
So they go to Hagrid's hut and start to confront him
But there's a knock at the door
So Harry and Ron hide underneath his invisibility cloak
Enter Cornelius Fudge, he's the Minister of Magic
And he came with some goons to arrest Hagrid
Because, yet again, they think that he was behind it
And on his way out, he says, "Follow the spiders."
And Harry's like, "Yo, he must be talking to us."
So they follow some little spiders just to see wussup
And they head into the forest with Hagrid's dog
And they meet a big spider named Aragog
And he's like, "Yo, I ain't the monster that you been seeking, and Hagrid ain't the one who opened the Chamber of Secrets
And look, I think y'all muthaf***ers cool and all
But my kids are hungry, so they gonna be eating y'all."(NO!)