The Campfire Song

[LUKE], spoken
Come on, grab some ambrosia, and let the nectar flow

[PERCY, spoken]
Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire? Is the food here really that bad?

[LUKE, spoken]
Offering to the gods. It's not enough that they're omnipotent and all-powerful, they need to feel appreciated. To the gods!

[ENSEMBLE, spoken]
To the gods!

[LUKE]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

[ALL]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

[LUKE]
My dad is Hermes
He messengers things
You'll know his sign by his shoes with those wings
I'd wait by the phone, but the phone never rings
Oh no

[ENSEMBLE makes noises of agreement.]

When your dad's a god, life can be tough
I met the guy once, and once was enough
(Spoken)
Annabeth?

[ANNABETH]
My mom's Athena
She's smart and she's wise
She's sworn off gluten and she's sworn off guys
But if she came to camp, it'd be a surprise
Oh no

[LUKE & KATIE]
Oh, no

Oh, and my stepmom, she hates me, and my dad works all day
So I left Virginia and I ran away

[PERCY, spoken]
Wait, is that true?

[LUKE, spoken]
Everybody!

[ALL]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

[LUKE, spoken]
Alright, who's next?

[KATIE, spoken]
Oh! Okay, let me see! Uh...
(Sung)
My mom's Demeter
Goddess of grain
She gets excited when it starts to rain
But planting and planting and planting's a pain
Oh no

[ENSEMBLE: Oh no]

[KATIE, spoken]
Right?
(Sung)
For their sixteenth birthday, my friends got a car
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar

[GROVER, spoken]
Ooh, ooh! My turn!

(Sung)
I'm a child of Pan
God of the wild
For those who love nature, they're often beguiled
He's not really my dad, but I'm sort of his child...
Oh no...

[ENSEMBLE: Oh, no]

[GROVER]
He went for a hike to explore new frontiers
And no one has seen him for thousands of years

[ALL]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

[PERCY, spoken]
Chiron! Who's your dad?

[CHIRON, spoken]
Oh, well...
(Sung)
My father is Kronos
Remember my lecture
He ate his children

[LUKE, spoken]
Chiron wins

[ENSEMBLE makes noises of agreement]

How about you Silena?

[SILENA]
The goddess of love
My mom's Aphrodite
She tries to be cool but mainly she's flighty
I'll bring home a boy, and she's there in her nightie

[ENSEMBLE: Oh no!]

(Spoken)
It's so embarrassing, guys!

(Sung)
I tried to seek help from even the fates
Cause she steals my mascara and all of my dates

[LUKE, spoken]
Alright Percy, it's your turn

[PERCY, spoken]
If I tried to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche

[LUKE, spoken]
Oh, we're all friends here. Come on, give it a shot

[PERCY]
My mom was named Sally
She loved scary movies
And food that was blue
And-

[KATIE, spoken]
He's doing it wrong

[SILENA, spoken]
Yeah, who's your godly parent?

[PERCY, spoken]
Oh... I don't know

[LUKE, spoken]
It's alright A lot of half-bloods never know their godly parent. Just give it a try

[PERCY]
So my dad is some god
That's great I guess
Did he not want me? Or not want the stress?
Too bad he's the worst, and my life is a mess
Oh no

[ENSEMBLE cheers]

I hope he shows even a trace
'Cause I got some choice words to throw in his face!

[ALL]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse

[LUKE]
But I don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me

[ALL]
We don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me
As long as you are here with me!