The Blade That Would Not Go Forward

She was the shyest girl around
So much that she never made a sound when she went walking through the town
Her thoughts she’d never say, for it’d be heresy just to betray even a sliver of herself especially to the others

No one knows how she got the name
But to her those things were all the same, just pawns in someone else’s game
Not that she didn’t want the way to ascertain the pain of others’ pampered inner thoughts she wished would go away but needed to be cycles

So she would go down to the river
Cast her semblance to the sand
Now the question’s not of whether
The other kids will understand, why would they? Indeed, how could they, anyway?

She said I want to live and I want to die
I want to laugh and I want to cry
I want to draw out figures, not the days
Pointless pencil days

I want to string along an eagle scout, and tell my mom I’m dropping out
I won’t be passing the picket fence today

Here was the shyest girl in class
Though her name was always called on last, she had the intellect to pass
But she would not give in, never to those who scrawled in ball-point pen she could have been a scholar in some place for basket cases only

Whenever the boys would pass her notes
She just couldn’t help but adding quotes to the prolepses that they wrote
Not that she never tried to scour the sweeter guy who wouldn’t lie, she opened up her heart alone, but she wasn't lonely

Let’s watch her amble to the highway
Light another cigarette
Every ember a dominion
Seldom since and yonder yet, she owned it, mom condoned it, so to speak

I want a daughter bright and fair
With silly problems that aren’t there
I want her to be content with teenage bogus
Not angst without focus

Like when she scratched my eye in the parking lot, and said these things are not for naught
But still the lawn is half-unmowed today