The Best of Times

It's been a long and lonely trip
But I'm glad I took it because it was well worth it
I got to read a couple books and do some research before I reached my verdict
Never thought that I was perfect
Always thought that I had a purpose
I used to wonder if I'd live to see my first kiss

The most difficult thing that I did was recite my own words at a service
Realizing the person I was addressing
Probably wasn't looking down from heaven
Or cooking up something in hell's kitchen
Trying to listen in or eavesdrop from some other dimension
It was self-serving just like this is

Conveniently religious on Easter Sunday and on Christmas
The television went from being a babysitter to a mistress
Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance
'Til we just stayed distant and never touched
Now all we do is text too much

I don't remember much from my youth
Maybe my memory is repressed
Or I just spent too much time wondering if I'd live to have sex
Fell in love for the first time in fourth grade
But I didn't have the courage to talk to her
In eighth grade I wrote the note and slipped it in somebody else's locker

Considered killing myself because of that
It was a big deal
It was a blown cover
It was over for me
My goose was cooked
Stick a fork in me
The jig is up
I blew my chances, the rest is history, our future was torn asunder
It became abundantly clear I was only brought here to suffer

At least I didn't include my name
Thankfully I wrote the whole note in code and it had ten layers
Of scotch tape safety seal making it impossible to open
Plus, it was set to self destruct
Whoever read it probably died... laughing
I wonder if they lived long enough to realize what happened

A year later, I came to understand that wasn't love that I was feeling for her
I had someone else to obsess over
I was older
I was very mature
I forged my time signature while practicing my parents autograph
'Cause I was failing math
Disconnected the phone when I thought the teacher would call my home

I checked the mailbox twice a day at the end of a long dirt road
Steamed open a couple envelopes like I was in private detective mode
If you snoop around long enough for something in particular
You're guaranteed to find it
For better or worse that's how I learned
It's best to just keep some things private
It was the best of times
It was the end of times

It was the best of times
It was the end of times
It was the best of times
It was the end of times
It was the best of times
It was the end of times
I was always on deck, I was next in line
An only child with a pen and pad
Writing a list of things I could never have
The walls in my house were paper-thin
Every squabble seemed to get deafening
If my memory serves me correctly I made it a point to void and forget some things
Probably to keep from being embarrassed
Never meant to upset or give grief to my parents
Kept my secrets... hid my talents...
In my head, never under the mattress

Therapy couldn't break me
Never learned a word that would ensure safety
So I spoke softly and I tiptoed often
The door to my room was like a big old coffin
The way that it creaked when I closed it shut
Anxieties peaked when it opened up
As if everything that I was thinking would be exposed
I still sleep fully clothed
It was the best of times

It was beautiful
It was brutal
It was cruel
It was business as usual

Heaven
It was hell
Used to wonder if I'd live to see twelve

When I did I figured that I was immortal
Loved to dance but couldn't make it to the formal
Couldn't bear watching my imaginary girlfriend bust a move with any other dudes

Tone Loc was talking bout a "Wild Thang" but I was still caught up in some child thangs
Scared of a God who couldn't spare the rod
It was clearly a brimstone and fire thang

Pyromaniac
Kleptomaniac
Couldn't explain my desire to steal that fire
Now I add it to my rider
Like "Please oh please don't throw me in that patch of brier!" It was the best of times
It was the end of times

The school counselor was clueless 'cause I never skipped classes
Perfect attendance
Imperfect accent
Speech impediment they could never really fix and I faked bad eyesight so I could wear glasses

Considered doing something that would cripple me
I wanted a wheelchair
I wanted the sympathy
I wanted straight teeth so then came braces
Four years of headgear helped me change faces
It was the best of times
It was the end of times

Now I wonder if I'll live to see marriage
Wonder if I'll live long enough to have kids
Wonder if I'll live to see my kids have kids
If I do I'm gonna tell 'em how it is

"Don't listen when they tell you that these are your best years
Don't let anybody protect your ears
It's best that you hear what they don't want you to hear
Better to have pressure from peers than not have peers
Beer won't give you chest hair
Spicy food won't make it curl
When you think you've got it all figured out and then everything collapses
Trust me, kid
It's not the end of the world"