The Battle of Epping Forest

[Instrumental Intro]

[Verse 1]
Along the Forest Road
There's hundreds of cars, luxury cars
Each has got its load
Of convertible bars, cutlery cars
Superscars
For today is the day
When they sort it out, sort it out
'Cause they disagree on a gangland boundary
'Cause they disagree on a gangland boundary

[Verse 2]
There's Willy Wright and his boys
One helluva noise, that's Billy's boys
With fully-fashioned bugs
That's Little John's thugs, the Barking Slugs
Supersmugs
For today is the day
When they sort it out, sort it out
Yes, these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor
East end heroes got to score

[Chorus]
In the Battle of Epping Forest
Yes, it's the Battle of Epping Forest
Right outside your door
And you ain't seen nothing like it
No, you ain't seen nothing like it
Not since the Civil War

[Post-Chorus]
Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill
And Johnny's lads stand very still
With the umpire's shout, they all start to clout
There's no guns in this gentleman's bout
And Georgie moves in on the outside left
With a chain flying 'round his head
And Harold Demure, from Art Literature
Nips up the nearest tree (Here come the cavalry)

[Refrain]
Amidst the battle roar
Accountants keep the score 10-4
They've never been alone
After getting a radiophone
The bluebells are ringing
For Sweetmeal Sam, real ham
Handing anding out bread and jam
Just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic

[Verse 3]
It's 5 to 4 on William Wright
He made his pile on Derby night
When Billy was a kid
Walking the streets, the other kids hid
So they did
And now, after working hard
In security trade, he's got it made
The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid

[Verse 4]
"I'll do my double-show quick"
Said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick
"I sell cheap holiday
The minute they leave and a visit I pay
Does it pay!"
And his friend, Liquid Len by name
Of Wine, Women & Wandsworth fame
Said "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!
I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!
Got me framed"

[Bridge]
They called me the Reverend
When I entered the Church unstained
My employers have change
But the name has remained
It all began when I went on a tour
Hoping to find some furniture
Followed a sign saying "Beautiful Chest"
It led to a lady who showed me her best
She was taken by surprise
When I quickly closed my eyes
So she rang the bell and quick as hell
Bob the Nob came out on his job
To see what the trouble was
"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please?"
("You're telling me!")
"Perhaps, sir, if it's not too late
We could interest you
In our old-fashioned Staffordshire plate?"
"Oh no, not me
I'm a man of repute"
But the Devil caught hold of my soul
And a voice called out "Shoot!"
To save my steeple, I visited people
For this I'd gone when I met Little John
His name came, I understood
When the judge said, "You are a robbing hood!"
He told me of his strange foundation
Conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation
He'd had to hide his reputation
When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door
But now, with a pin-up guru every week
It was Love, Peace & Truth incorporated
For all who seek
He employed me as a karma mechanic
With overall charms
His hands were then fit to receive
Recieve alms

[Chorus]
That's why we're in the Battle of Epping Forest
Yes, it's the Battle of Epping Forest
Right outside your door
We guard your souls for peanuts
And we guard your shops and houses
For just a little more, just a little more

[Post-Chorus]
In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher
But he's countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight
And Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men
Is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob
With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress
But Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug
And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure
Fires acorns from out of his sling (Here come the cavalry)

[Refrain]
Up, up above the crowd
Inside their Silver Cloud, done proud
The bold and brazen brass
Seen darkly through the glass
The butler's got jam on his Rolls
Roy doles out the lot
With tea from a silver pot
Just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic

[Verse 5]
Along the Forest Road
It's the end of the day and the Clouds roll away
Each has got its load
They'll come out for the count at the break-in of day

[Outro]
When the limos return for their final review
It's all through
All they can see is the morning goo
"There's no-one left alive, must be a draw"
So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin t settle the score

[Instrumental Outro]