The Ballad of the Blue Cyclone (The Beginning)

Blue Cyclone, ooh

Well my wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back
And left me at home by myself to batch
And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream

So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine
And said, "Bill, I ain't havin' a real good time."
He said, "Why don't we go to the wrasslin' matches and let off
A little steam?"

Now I'd never seen the matches before
And by the time we reached that arena door
The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street

Yeah, people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle
Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle
We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats

Well, we bought a program as we passed through the door
Went to section D, seats 3 and 4
And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring

He said, "Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed
We got a tag-team match that'll blow yer mind!"
Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream

He introduced the Spider from parts unknown
With his trusty partner, The Blue Cyclone
They were takin' on a team that never had been beat

Then the ref checked 'em over and the rules were explained
And somebody hollered, "the spider's got a chain!"
Then some old lady with blue hair fell right out of her seat

Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose
My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose
I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war!

The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin
Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again
I swear I didn't see how that 'ol boy could take much more

It was right about then in the thick of things
That my buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring
And I knew we'd better be headin' for the door

'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us
And he was rubbin' his head and he's startin' to cuss
And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure

Well, where we parked wasn't too far
And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car
Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anyone in

And I turned around and the Cyclone was there
And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!"
And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end

So I screamed "Watch it pal I-I run a school where I teach
Karate and jiu-jitsu" but before I could finish he gave my teeth a rake
Yeah then he jumped up real high in the air and both feet caught me
With a flying mare
Now tell me again how all that wrestling's fake

Then he body slammed me two or three times
And he put his arms around me from behind
Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete

Broke both my arms and three of my ribs
It's the closest I've ever come to being killed
And that's the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep

Blue Cyclone
He's the meanest rascal the ring has ever known
He'll make you groan, he'll make you moan
He'll lay you prone and break your bones
Blue Cyclone...