The Ascetic

Every day I go up on the mountain
Climb to the top, but I don't know what for
It's quiet until I hear a voice up on the mountain
It says "beware of what you want, it might want you more!"

"Ashes, my burned hut
But beautiful, like cherry
Blooming on the hill"
-One of my patients, just before he died, and just before I left the hospital and began to travel

If he could face death so calmly, how could I face life with so much doubt? Now, I can sit on the side of a mountain and watch the shadows slowly filling the valley floor, but not without the doubts that still linger and constantly caress the edges of my shadowy interior

At least a catheter expels impurities in a manner of model efficiency, and my previous profession always at least offered that. Flawless vasectomies in clean and well lit places, a sterile field sealed from infection, but not from disease...

I often wonder if I left anyone behind, but somehow I just can't remember. Only an oddly defined drive to find a better way. But somehow, I don't believe this is it. As I watch the shadows slowly creeping closer, I think about India and the Hindu concept of Maya

It took me so long to understand the space between reality and perception, and now it seems that I live there