The Ad-dressing Of Cats

[Verse 1: Judi Dench]
You've heard of several kinds of cat
And my opinion now is that:
You should need no interpreter to understand our character
You've learned enough to take the view
That cats are very much like you
You've seen us both at work and games
And learnt about our proper names
Our habits and our habitat
But how would you address a cat?

[Chours: Judi Dench & Company]
So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: a cat is not a dog
So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: a cat is not a dog

[Verse 2: Judi Dench]
With cats, some say one rule is true
Don't speak 'til you are spoken to
Myself I do not hold with that
I say, you should address a cat
But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity
You bow, and taking off your hat, address him in this form:
"Oh, Cat"
"Oh, Cat"
Before a cat will condescend to treat you as a trusted friend
Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream
Oh, you might now and then supply
Some caviar or Strasbourg pie
Some potted grouse or salmon paste
He's sure to have his personal taste
And so in time you reach your aim
And call him by his name

[Chorus: Company]
A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect
So this is this, and that is that
And that's how you address a cat