Ted and the 20 Person Plane

I am getting tired of traveling a little bit because you have to fly when you're coming out to the West Coast. Big airlines will mess with you in so many different ways. Sometimes they’ll try and pawn you off on their little, junior airline. I once got on a United flight and the pilot got over the loudspeaker and was like, "Today's United flight is being operated by our junior airline, Ted." Who the fuck is Ted? I went to high school with a guy named Ted and it better not be him, because he is addicted to Oxycontin.

So I don't like big airlines. No one does. Guess who I also don’t like? Small airlines. Very scary, the small airline, you know? A couple months ago I got to fly out of a small airport in Quincy, Illinois, jealous? And I got on a 20-person plane. Now, you think you would trust a small plane more because it weighs less and flying is a war against gravity, but I got on this plane, and I was like, "Holy shit! If this thing crashes, it won't even be on the news, or it will be but real quick, just like a small plane crashed today, obviously."